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Lizzie McGuire: On The Go

Gaming :: Retrospection :: Date: June 10th, 2019

Written by: Raccoon

I uh... I don't really know where to start with this. Like... I don't even know how I stumbled upon this story. But uh... apparently... around November of 2018, after having her baby, Hilary Duff decided to put her baby's placenta into a smoothie and drink it.

She was on a radio show about fuckin pregnancy or something and said "It was the most delightful smoothie I've ever had. I haven't had a smoothie that delightful since I was ten. It was calorie-filled with juice and fruit and everything delicious."

Is she a fucking Satanist or something? What the fuck? Why would you do that?

According to E! News, Hilary didn't consume all of her placenta in the smoothie. She turned the remainder of it into "treats" and has some of it in "ice cube form" to include in future smoothies. Her 6-year-old son Luca even asked to see the ice cubes, but after seeing them had some regret, according to his mom. "He was like, 'I wish I hadn't have asked," Hilary recalled.

This is the most vile fucking thing I've ever heard.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

This is somehow worse than sticking your entire baby in a blender and drinking it.

But on the topic of Hilary Duff, she was Lizzie McGuire. And that show was big enough to get a video game based on it.

The main game is simple. You climb escalators (some that only go in one direction) and collect objects. CDs, high heels, pizza slices, etc.

There's minigames that you have to unlock. I suck ass at this game so I only unlocked a Connect Four knockoff. But it's alright.

There's a feature to ask Lizzie questions and have her answer like a placenta-filled magic eight ball.

Alright Lizzie. Do you think Jeff Hardy will ever overdose on air condtioner water?

Would you eat out Miranda?

Oh. I'm sorry. Are you a virgin?

Makes sense to me.

Would you eat McDonalds that you found in the trash if it was wrapped inside the bag?

This thing also hits shades of Mary-Kate and Ashley's Pocket Planner because it has a programmed in class schedule and contact listing.

This game is alright. It's nothing special but if you're a dumb little 5 year old you might enjoy it. But you might enjoy eating paste too so who give a fuck what you think?

Control
  • 3.5
  • Graphics
  • 2.0
  • Sound
  • 3.0
  • Fun Factor
  • 2.0