Ellen DeGeneres is a Soul Eating Succubus


Date: May 25th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween

Awwwww shit! I remembered to do a diary entry today!


I have a certain disdain deep in my soul for talk shows. Something about celebrities sitting down in front of an audience to be literally applauded for wanking off their own fame and vanity just doesn't sit right with me. That being said, I'm more annoyed by daytime talk shows because they seem especially poisonous.

I think it's because they present themselves as being so wholesome, as if they're somehow just super positive and happy. Yet they continually send people down the rabbithole of vapidness and ignorance, such as giving a shit about iPhone's new emojis, celebrity news, etc.

I don't actually watch TV anymore. I pretty much disconnected the same day that analog TV went away. My main source of entertainment comes from watching old TV shows and movies, often on VHS or that have been uploaded online. Hence much of my source material in Human Raccoon episodes. But occasionally I'll walk by a TV at someone's house and see a show like Ellen or Good Morning America or whatever the fuck and be reminded as to the god awful shit that is being poured into America's throats on a regular basis.

I'll give you an example of something that grinds my gears into a fine powder with this:

Like, this horse shit has nearly two million views. First of all, fuck all of you. Second, they're acting like they somehow cured world fucking hunger by taking a picture together. And listen to the clapping fucking seals in the audience, hoopin' and hollerin' like Jesus just shot a fat load of cum all over their stupid faces. And then Bradley Cooper says "that was so crazy!" Like, yes. You rich egotistical hollywood dickbags wacking off your own hubris in a group is fucking bananas. You're right.


I hate the name Bradley. It just reminds me of this kid who used to come over to my house back in like 1998 and I'd get stuck watching tapes with him so my mom could go smoke weed with his mom or whatever. He went to piss in our toilet and then didn't flush it, and then when I called him out on it he said he "didn't have to flush" because it "came out clear."

Ugh. Fuck everyone named Bradley who ever lived. I'm over it.

I realize it sounds like I'm being like, negative, or a bitch. But that's because I'm negative and a bitch.

Hollywood's bizarre though, dude. I was reading a while back about how Hilary Duff had drank her own placenta. Which is gross as fuck. It's somehow grosser than dudes who drink their own loads of cum. Like... why would you do that? But like, I don't know. I still like Lizzie McGuire. Even though she's a baby goop eating psychopath. Nobody's perfect, as Hannah Montana would say.

But yeah. That's really all I've gotta say today. Celebrities are wack. Don't idolize them. Not saying to idolize me, either. I'm just some wacko chick endessly ranting into my computer about stuff that annoys me. I swear I'm not always this negative, either. I'm not like Maddox or whatever, where I just walk around in a perpetulate state of irritation. It's just that shit like this bothers me because I want people to be more like... aware? I guess? And most people live in a total lullaby, pacified by whatever the ol' b00b t00b tells them to take in.

Just try to remember that the people in the media, and even a lot of the people online make money by decieving you and kind of making you feel good about endlessly sucking them off. Or on the flipside, by trying to get you to be mad about certain things that don't really affect you, or that you can't do anything about. In turn, they also have a habit of making people want to be like them, which is how people get indoctrinated into their system. Like, look into the eyes of somebody like Katy Perry and tell me she's not dead inside. Like, you can't. She's gone, dude.

By the way, this is only my second entry on this site and you're already getting a good idea of how hard it is for me to shut the fuck up. I have a tendency to ramble on endlessly. It's probably why I can't keep an actual pen-and-paper diary. I'd just fill the whole thing up in one sitting because I'd just go off on an endless tangent. The only difference between that and this really is that diaries are supposed to be for secrets, and I'm too boring to have any real secrets that you could write about. Maybe I'll start one though and just see how many double-words I can think of that rhyme with orange. Door hinge, whore minge, gore-flinch...

...yeah, I don't know anymore. Why are you reading this?

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The Majin Tween is a multimedia elf that makes super awesome TV for you to drink with your eyes.