Date: June 21st, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
I read a quote today that said "life is fair, people aren't." That's very deep, and unbelievably wrong. If life is so fair, why have I been laying in bed for literally twelve hours straight having the absolute worst allergy attack of my life? I feel like the entire inside of my face has a giant ball inside of it and I've been leaking like news about celebrity sexual deviancy.
Feeling like Spongebob in that episode where he gets a cold all day, mixed with the fact that it's hotter than Satan's anus right now, I eventually wound up passing out... for eleven straight additional hours.
Now, it wasn't a coma. It wasn't 11 hours straight. In fact, I pretty much woke up every hour... but my eyes were watering so hard and the heat had my body feeling so heavy and pointless that I just kept re-crashing. But I did have some interesting dreams last night.
The first dream I had was one where I found myself in Hell, and I was forced to traverse the inside of a castle, undergoing several Zelda-esque puzzles to find my way to freedom. It was honestly pretty epic, and by the end of it I wound up finding a long, stone path within the lava of Hell that led to a castle. What was in the castle, you ask? No fucking idea, because I randomly woke up before I could get there. Weak.
The next dream I had placed me inside True Crime: Streets of L.A. It was seriously a dream where I had stolen a car, drove it into a gigantic bank-building and just attempted to drive it all the way to the top. This means I was driving a car into an elevator, through windows, etc. It all kinda went downhill after I drove out a window and flew down to the street below, where I was being chased by the police. But you know what? I got away! Mainly because again, I randomly woke up.
The third and final dream, at least that I can remember, was that Tall, Tall Mountain from Super Mario 64 was a real place... and that myself and several scientists were across the sky on another island, where we had determined that it was the lost Planet of the Apes, due to the fact that there was a monkey running around on it. Because we're stupid assholes.
But that's really I have to say about that. My dreams have really taken a turn for the avant-guarde since converting Human Raccoon into a web series. It probably has something to do with the new-way I think about stuff, since I had to pretty much shift how my brain works in order to come up with the skits/jokes that appear in the show. I'm still bitter about a few years ago when I had a dream that I moved in with Britney Spears and she was my girlfriend, but somebody called my house and woke me up in the middle of it and I never had another dream like it since.
But today is a pretty eventful day. In addition to Human Raccoon #9: 2 Void, 2 Friendless being broadcast today, I've also launched a second Video Chaos webseries. It's called Smarkitude, and it's in the exact same style as Human Raccoon, except it's about pro wresting. And that's pretty much it! Go watch my stuff.