Date: January 10th, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
I don't follow celebrity news/drama, but I've never seen any modern celebrity look more depressed than Miley Cyrus.
She doesn't wash her hair, she divorced her Hollywood Hunkasaurus husband and her music doesn't even have a melody anymore. She's seemingly given up on giving any semblance of a fuck, which was predicted by uh... everyone, really. But today on Human Raccoon we're gonna take a look at her most iconic fashions of the last year or so and see who wore it better... Miley, or the person she jacked the look from?
Pic above related. She totally stole this look from black women who love Jesus.
Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears?
In Miley's newest video Mother's Daughter, she wears a full body red latex suit. While I personally believe that latex should be standard issue clothing for anybody walking around in society, we do have to point out that this specific latex approach was done by Britney Spears in her "Smack The Everloving Shit Out Of Me, Baby. One More Time" music video.
So, who wore it better? While Britney is the queen of everything and I would stab myself in the chest if it made her even consider cracking a smile, I gotta give this one to Miley for one simple reason: her vagina has teeth on this costume. That's insane. Like, if any guy tries to stick his weiner in there he's gonna get it bitten off. And that's tremendous.
Miley Cyrus or The Red Guy When He Became Blue At The End of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared?
The Red Guy When He Became Blue At The End of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared looks like the Belle of the Ball, but Miley looks unnecessarily moist... moreso than usual. I give this one to The Red Guy When He Became Blue At The End of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared because he looks less gross.
Miley Cyrus or Big Boss Man?
Both command deep authority with their big gay cop shades, but only Miley has the courtesy to dole out some tit meat for us. Boss Man... you greedy bitch.
Miley Cyrus or A Baby?
Let's address the facts. This baby is just a sloppy asshole. "Hurr, let me rub spaghetti all over my face." What a fucking dunce. Miley is at least trying to make a fashion statement... and there's glitter in there too. So fuck this stupid baby. Miley wins.
Miley Cyrus or Sandy Kane
One of these women is a trashy whore who's sucked off men with far less status than her for the illusion of success, and the other is Sandy Kane.
But you know... Miley looks good in a big cowboy hat. Unfortunately, everything below it is fucking retarded.
I think I hate Miley Cyrus more now than I did before. What an annoying bunch of horse shit this is.