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Barbie's Birthday Party


Date: June 18th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween


These girls are stoked as fuck to celebrate Barbie's birthday party and so am I. I'm halfway through a balogna wrap and I want to feel as glamorous as Barbie, so I've gotten high and cracked open a bottle of orange soda. You know. Glamour shit.

They have "Barbie cellular phones", which I found to be an extra wordy way to put it.


No. Really. These girls have a really unhealthy obsession with Barbie. They're travelling the motherfucking world in search of people who do vaguely-Barbie-related things.


For some reason we go to Japan to learn how to make paper frogs. What this has to do with Barbie? No fucking clue.

Maybe Barbie touched a frog and got a wart on her finger. Maybe it's symbolism for genital warts. I don't know.

We take a look at a Barbie stage show, which is mostly a bunch of gay guys spinning around. You do get to see the actress who plays Barbie in a baggy flannel shirt, which is disgusting because Barbie wouldn't dress like a hobo. She's better than that and this woman should be fired.

This dumbass little girl travels into a Chinese letter-writer-dude's dojo and is like "hey, make me a Chinese Barbie shirt." Like, of all the things to do with this calligrapher and all you can think to do is make a Barbie shirt? What the fuck?


They interview some kids, one of which is a little girl with a mullet, which is also fucking disgusting. You are a fucking disgrace to Barbie. There is no Barbie: Mullet Edition. Gross bitch.

I don't even care about how this tape ends. It should end with a mullet on a purple face floating down a river.