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Beanie Lover Video


Date: November 3rd, 2019

Written by: Princess Link

Hey, you fuckin' BEANIE LOVER. Get outta my town!!!


The Beanie Lovers VHS is possibly the most batshit insane thing I've ever seen in my life.

We open with a radio show that apparently deals exclusively in beanie baby news. I'm calling bullshit. What is it? 105.9 The Retard?

The most disgusting normies you'll ever seen have turned out to hunt for beanie babies, because as we all know beanie babies are the new currency. They're more valuable than gold.

Seriously. They interview three different women who's skin all resembles the ground in Super Mario 64's Tall, Tall Mountain. Their texture is fucking disgusting.

A psychotic man dressed like Santa calling himself the "Beanie King" screams "Hey all you beaners!"

That's racist!


We cut back to the same radio station, but this time a Tony Schiavonne clone is in there hosting his Beanie Baby show on the Beanie Baby Radio Network.

The Beanie King tells us how to pronounce certain Beanie Baby names. (It's Leh-BEAR-Ty, not Liberty, you American chucklefucks.)

We watch this grotesquely fat bitch fucking some dude over by overcharging and not budging for her Beanie Babies.

Dr. Girlfriend: "That's absolutely counterfeit money he's handing her. He even asks 'why is that guy filming?' But fuck her. She deserves it."


I'm crying laughing because these stupid midwives won't stop saying "toosh taeg" and telling you how to identify FAKE BEANIE BABIES. God damn these people were short sighted.


They keep getting little children to read the descriptions of the tags... and they suck. They're fucking terrible at reading. When I was in Kindergarten I read at a 5th grade level. These kids are dogshit. I'll fight every single one of them right now. I don't give a fuck.

This woman named Rosie Wells (because of course her name is Rosie Wells) shows up in a stretched out red cardigan and a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt, masking a world of McDonald's damage. She mentioned that before making her Beanie Babies buying guide book, she made a "Cattle Magazine." I wonder if she was the centerfold.

If you want an example of how fucking delusional these people are, look no further than the flabberghasted reactions from these two grotesque retards upon discovering that children like Beanie Babies too.

It's insanity.

While they're interviewing some creepy dude at a Beanie Convention, he says "I'm just here for bears 'n' boys--- err, beanies."

Yes. This man outed himself as a pedophile on a Beanie Babies VHS.

They cut into the crowd and start harassing the patrons, asking them "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BEANIE BABY!?" These people clearly don't want to be filmed but this guy doesn't give a fuck. He's the original TMZ.


There's this horrendous drag queen named Bobbie who I'm obsessed with.

She's wearing this fugly pink shirt and she's got more makeup than the filthiest transvestite you've ever seen. It's nuts.

Seriously. You just know she taps her stupid pressed on nails against everything like a clickity clackity cunt all the time. Her trying to pick up a glass of water sounds like an office full people typing.

This tape is hilarious. I love lounging around with my Dr. Girlfriend Beanie Baby and laughing at people who are gross.