Date: November 15th, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
This is Good Burger: a Nickelodeon movie about a fast food joint. Since I'm leaving in a few hours to go work a shift at the File City Maid Cafe, I thought it appropriate to take a break from hard drugs and blowing strangers to watch a children's film.
Ed is a fucking retard. He doesn't realize that there's a giant ass Mondo Burger across the street being built for 10 months. Meanwhile, another boy, whose name is Dexter, wrecks Cameron's dad's red Ferrari, goes to work for Mondo Burger, gets fired for uttering, vomits all over his sweater already, mom's spaghetti. So, desperate for money, he goes to Good Burger and blows his money on like 40 milkshakes. Because fuck it at that point.
I really want one of the Mondo Burger uniforms. They're so cute.
We learn that Dex's father gave him a yoyo before peacing out of his life.
Which is pretty noble. All my dad did was give my mom the dick.
After Mondo Burger opens up, all the business starts flooding in because it's like Hollywood Video over there. They've got neon lights, cute uniforms, backroom BDSM sessions, multu-cultural employees. It's a 2019 Dream.
Crank some fucking Less Than Jake and make some Ed Sauce.
And no, that doesn't mean Kel's going to cum on your burger.
...well, his recipe is a secret. It might mean that. It could be lemon juice, ketchup, pickles and a thick load from Ed's orange soda guzzling cock.
Mondo Burger's burgers are huge. Big fat slabs of meat between two buns. Just like the only day my mom ever met my dad. But they investigate further and find that they're using steroids to pump up the burgers. Which is illegal. But more importantly, they dress up like women to infiltrate the restauraunt.
Not gonna lie, that lingerie is cute as fuck... if it were being worn by... like... a girl.
So the war is on. The Good Burgerians get sent to a mental asylum, the Mondo Burgerians put shark poison in Ed's sauce. So they get the ultimate revenge. They get into Mondo Burger, go into their burger supply and pump them shits with more steroids than the WWF's locker room in the 1980s. Shit starts blowing up. Chaos. Destruction. A woman throws her baby through a car windshield for no reason. Vinyl uniforms fleeing across the parking lot.
God damn I really want one of those Mondo Burger Women's Uniforms. They're so cute.
I'm so pissed. Why is it frowned upon to live in a civilized society where everyone wears latex, vinyl and silk 24/7? Why do you people insist on being fat and gross?
Probably because you fat sluts eat at Good Burger. Eat more spinach, take big shits and dress cuter. I'm getting sick of this shit.