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You're Invited to Mary-Kate and Ashley's Campout Party


Date: October 27th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween


I don't like to go camping. It's dirty and bugs are gross. But thankfully, I can go camping with Mary-Kate and Ashley! This is their Campout Party!

According to the commercial, nobody "pitches more tents" than the Olsen Twins.

Yes. I'm serious.

That same commercial also features the quote, "If you're gonna have a fantasy, why hold back?"

In that moment, everyone involved in the production should have had their hard drives seized.

The idea of going camping right now makes me fucking sick. I got mauled by mosquitos recently and I have bites all over my legs and arms. It's getting in the way of dressing like a baby prositute. But I'll get my mojo back.

On the topic of clothes though, they're all dressed like fucking lumberjacks. They're wearing flannels and big vests.


Fucking dykes.

There's a song in this video where they go "critters on my crackers, bugs on my baloney." Camping is awful.

I'm going inside. Fuck this.

I haven't gone camping since I was a little kid, but Dr. Girlfriend and I did broadcast Mary-Kate and Ashley VHS tapes with antennas over analog television airwaves and walk around File City watching them on a portable TV recently. It was pretty cool, but we passed out drunk in the bank parking lot and I woke up with a bug bite the size of a baseball on my leg. It was awful. So I know I'm sure as shit not going to go camping at all ever. Fuck that noise.