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One Hour Photo


Date: June 2nd, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween

I've been a big Robin Williams fan since as early as I can remember. I grew up watching movies like Aladdin, Flubber and others.

As I got older, I started delving into other movies of his that I missed. I saw Death to Smoochy like once (and remember nothing about it) and as I got older, I gained a more adult appreciation for the stuff he's done.

I don't cry. It's not my thing. But sometimes I do eject blood from my eyes and scream in bloody agony.


Well, maybe I've cried a few times. But so have our heroes.


Two movies have managed to make me discharge saltwater from my vision bulbs. Jack and Bicentennial Man. The latter kinda fucked my shit up because things who want to be other things make me sad. Make a robot wanna be a person? That's fucked up.


Cheer up, bitch. It's just a movie.


I actually didn't know anything about One Hour Photo going in, besides thinking that Robin Williams must have felt weird after he shaved his arms.


The break room of a job I had for a while had a mirror like this. I wanted to throw a lamp at it but there weren't any lamps in the room.

So the movie begins. Cutegirl McMytype comes into the photo place and says that her husband is trying to make her switch to a digital camera. Slim Genie says "don't do that... I'll be out of a job." That hurts my feelings because I miss going to photo places. I never really internalized that there was some dude who was looking through your pictures because he had to print them off.

It is good that you no longer have to deal with that kinda thing... but like... you still have government agents who turn on your webcam to watch you scrolling GameFAQs in your underwear.


You know you fucking do it.


Also somehow this photo turned out flawless.

Whenever I try to take a picture like this I end up taking a photo of my shirt and the floor, or I end up not realizing I wasn't even slightly looking at the camera.



So Sy, the main character of our sad story, becomes obsessed with this family who comes in all the time. He has a wall of their photos in his house and breaks into fantasies that he's part of their family. It's really sad. But then again I watch Mary-Kate and Ashley's Sleepover Party in my jammies at least once a week sometimes so am I really any better?


Sy is a sad little man. Lonely, overly attached to people he doesn't really know, BUT he's still an anti-hero. After geting fired for doing "hundreds of extra prints" (for his private collection) he discovers that a girl who dropped off some photos was actually fucking the husband/father in the family that he's stalking. So on his final day of work, he "accidentally" slides the wrong photos into the reel.


Crafty shit.

Eventually he descends into total madness. He had a nightmare that his eyes are bleeding and then he starts stalking his former-bosses wife and daughter. He took pictures of his boss's daughter and then gave the reel to the place he used to work to get them developed. Fucking brutal. An epic motherfucking.

Remember the wall of photos I mentioned? Well after the husband gets caught cheating on his wife, Sy starts scribbling his face out of the photos on his wall. Long story short, the police get involved and they find the wall of photos... while Sy is on his way to the hotel that he's staying at.

He gets into James Blunt's hotel room and starts screaming orders at them while holding a knife that he stole from the sporting goods department. The scene is genuinely disturbing. The wife, who knows that her husband is cheating on her, still tries to save his life by trying to call his work while the cops are at her house. But Sy is making them post for sexual photographs while screaming at them with a knife in his hand.


He screamed at them, telling them to pose like they're having sex. He screamed "stop your sniveling!" at her because she was crying and clearly traumatized. If I would have broken into their hotel room I would have screamed "shave your pubes" at them.

In the end, he's unable to outrun the police and gets arrested while homegirl takes a rape shower.

Final Rating rating40
  • 4.0
  • onehourphotopoop