Over The Top
Written by: Raccoon
Despite the title of this movie, it's not actually about Triple H fighting a dominant gay man. This movie is about the fabled sport of hand grapples.
A lot of guys like to arm wrestle themselves, but the opponent always winds up throwing up everywhere.
I apologize in advance if this review gets a little over the top. I just love this movie a lot. It fucking rules. Apparently Sylvester Stallone disagrees but I don't value his opinion on anything.
THIS is the greatest Stallone movie of all time. Nothing else compares.
So Lincoln Hawk drives all the way to this military academy to pick up his son, who is a total cock. He doesn't want to go with his Hawkdad (stating that his grandfather said not to leave with anyone but him or his mother), but he's forced to because his mother has legal custody of him and okay'd Hawk visiting.
This butthurts the little shit (his name is Mike.)
(Yes. Mike Hawk.)
They really slipped that one past the radar. They might as well named the kid Throbbing Penis.
...but he has to go. He says "Do you really think you can make up 10 years in 3 days?"
Yes. Yes he does.
It's also worth noting that whenever we watch this movie (which is often), we always pop in our tape of The Wizard directly afterwards. Why, you ask? Because the truck that Lincoln Hawk gave up at the end of this movie is the same truck Spanky drives in The Wizard.
The little shit decides that he wants nothing to do with his father, so he feigns a stomach ache and runs out of the truck into traffic and almost dies. I kinda wish he did.
While they're at a diner (and the kid is also being a cunt there too), they order some food and some big territory-wrestling looking fuck walks up and says "I HEARD YOU'RE TOUGH SHIT. I DON'T BELIVE IT. I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING." It's fucking awesome. Long story short, they end up arm wrestling and Hawk kicks his ass.
The entire movie is just this kid being a piece of garbage while Hawk tries to earn his love. Meanwhile the grandfather is like "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCK" the entire time. Eventually, the mom dies (which is good because she was bumming everyone out with her dyingness. Gotta yank the ol' bandaid off.) and the grandpa kidnaps the kid.
And look! Terry fuckin' Funk! My best friend!
Throwback to when Terry Funk sent me a free t-shirt because I was one of the first people talking to him when he signed up for Twitter.— Human Raccoon 🦝 (@humanraccoon) July 21, 2019
It's big enough to fit three of me inside of it. So if Mary-Kate and Ashley ever feel like having a slumber party, I've got the sleeping bag. pic.twitter.com/Sg4mQISPMp
Hawk ends up driving a FUCKING TRUCK THROUGH THE FRONT OF THE OLD FUCK'S HOUSE to get his son. That fucking rocks! That is a way more badass move than anything Rambo ever did. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks.
Long story short, the kid winds up finding all the letters that Hawk had been sending to him and realizes that his dad actually did give a shit about him. So he cries like a pussy and runs away to go to the arm wrestling tournament to meet up with him.
And he NEVER SURRENDERED