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Party Monster


Film :: VHS Rewind :: Date: August 10th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween


Within seconds of Party Monster: The Shockumentary kicking off, I saw a flacid penis. Absolutely atrocious.

Here's the story: Michael Alig is a sociopath with charisma who everyone glombs onto and falls in love with because they buy into his charm. They don't see that he's a monster. A party monster.

Michael is so charismatic that even his own mother wants to suck his balls and dick.


(Listen to how she talks about him and tell me she doesn't want to jump his bones.)

There's a lot of drug addled homosexual penis flailing in this documentary. Rubbing genitals is the new baseball. These fellas seem to think it's the best thing since cumming on sliced bread and eating it.


We meet Kioki... Keoki... Keyokie... Coyote... Karate...?

I wonder if that's his natural hair color.

He says he went to a bar and was expecting to have to tell some cute girls "no, not tonight ladies." But the only person who approached him was Michael Alig, a very male man, who then convinced heterosexual Kioki to make out with him.


My absolute favorite quote from this documentary was when they were having an outlaw party and they stop off at a donut shop.

Lahoma: "Michael, you make the absolute best donuts ever!"

Michael: "Ohhh, I didn't make these donuts. The donut people made them."

I wasn't really disturbed by the guy who went on stage and drank his own pee. I've seen enough girls drinking gallons of pee to know that it's a delicious, frothy beverage. But seeing a transvestite giving herself a champagne enema was just retarded.

Michael made Lahoma drink his pee out of a gatorade bottle. Michael peed on a waitress and she got fired for not liking it. This is not a scene I want to be part of.


This is not how you party.

The later into the interviews you get timeline wise, the more you can hear how damaged Michael's sinuses are from all the drugs he was snorting. My sinuses are always clogged because of my allergies so I think if I tried to snort anything I would die. I can't even properly blow my nose without feeling like my eye is going to burst.


I enjoy when Michael is talking about Peter and says "On the surface we're different but there's a lot of similarities between us!" as he starts giggling endlessly, before he looks at the interviewer on the other end of the camera and realizes that he needs to actually follow up on that thought to convey it.


I also totally like Gitsie and this girl with a nose ring being interviewed by the grim reaper. I don't do drugs but I would gladly watch them do it while standing in the corner of the club feeling awkward because everyone's waving their penises around.

As we head on out of this shockumentary, Keoki says "Michael got what he wanted in the end: to be famous."

James St. James ends it by saying "Michael has always been awful." I mean... yeah. He's clearly a sociopath. What he did to Angel was pure self defense but he took it way too far and suffered for it. This is why I don't do drugs: because somebody might just beat you to death with a hammer.