Date: June 7th, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
I love Switching Goals. Not just because it stars the greatest human beings alive (Mary-Kate and Ashley). But because I actually used to play soccer in elementary school, so it kinda makes me flash back to that. I mean, I only played goalie but I was good at it. Actually by the end of this movie Mary-Kate figures out that Ashley is good at being a goalie and validates her via that. I've never been more like Ashley Olsen until this moment.
In this movie, Mary-Kate and Ashley play Sam and Emma Stanton. I don't know why. They may as well be Mary-Kate and Ashley in every movie but whatever. This is actually one of my favorite MKA movies ever. If I had to put together a top 5, this would totally be part of it. Apparently this movie aired as part of the Wonderful World of Disney, but I never saw it like that. I only ever saw it on VHS (and I watch it a lot.)
So Jerry the Asshole is a soccer coach and the kids league he's in is finally going co-ed! That's right! Girls finally have a chance to prove that they suck at sports.
(I'm sorry, feminists. But we as a genre of human really fucking suck at nearly every physical activity outside of tennis and making babies.)
So Jerry has two twins: Mary-Kate and Ashley... or Sam and Emma. Whatever. One of them is the greatest soccer player of all time. She can bend it like Beckham.
But the other one sucks so they decide they want to switch teams. The dad is a competitive douchebag so he's like "fuck yeah, get that good kid on my team before I get pissed."
Nothing goes wrong because lying is good.