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Vader Episode I: Shards of the Past

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Date: November 29th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween

Do you like Star Wars!?

Well, this isn't that. Because this is a fan film about Star Wars called Vader. You can watch it for free here.

Anakin Skywalker is deader than shit and Vader's hearing voices in his head like Randy Orton.

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An army has come at Vader but he's plowing them down like you're playing Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 with the infinite ammo cheat. He's fucking shit up. Vader is untouchable like Robert De Niro, minus the giant face mole or getting shot in the face by some guy who thinks he's Heath Ledger.

He gets into a Force Fight with Palpatine, where he uses some dead asshole as a human shield and then force throws a lightsaber at his dumb face. That rules. But it wasn't enough because they're still cutting promos on each other back and forth.

Palpatine taps into Vader's humanity and reminds him that underneath his bitchin' armor, he's really just an emo sadboy. Eat a dick, nerd.

That's his weakness. That he's not this blood guzzling sociopath. He's really just a pathetic waste of flesh.

But that's really as far as we get. This is a 10 minute short film that promised us so much story development with Vader... but we didn't get shit. Why?

Because Disney had it shut down.

And you know what? I'm gonna say it: Fuck Disney. I am so fucking sick of these assholes and their Mickey Mouse bullshit.

We get it. You own everything. You're the corporate Hitler youth. You have a stranglehold on everything. Nobody can do shit. You, Nintendo and Viacom have done more to shut down anything I've been interested in this year than anything I've ever seen before. It's horse shit. It's bullshit. It's ass butter. Fuck you.

But I better watch my words, because for all I know, at this point, Disney owns Human Raccoon.

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