Top 5 Eminem Songs

Date: October 17th, 2021

Eminem is a man who makes the rhymes. He says the words that sound like the other words. He's great... and today is his birfday! Happy birthday, homophobic rap man!

So I've been wanting to go full clickbait mode and start doing top 5s, just because it's an easy way to do website stuff. So what better way to kick off than by doing my personal top 5 favorite Eminem songs of all time?

A bit of a warning: I go more for his deepcuts than his major hits. Not that I dislike his singles, it's just that I feel that some of his less-known songs are genuinely better.

#5: Remind Me

It's Joan Jett, for fuck sake. It's not as good as Five's Everybody Get Up but it's still really fun and good. Plus it objectifies women in the 21st century! I'm so tired of social justice causes that I'll take the most juvenile of approaches to counteracting it at this point. I don't care.

From an album that had nearly no good songs on it, this one stands out as an actual good bop that I can never hit skip on when it hits on my shuffle.

#4: I Remember

This is a diss track about Everlast, but it stands alone as being an actually good song. I like to pretend it's about Mario. Dissing the man who used to jump around but got too old to jump up and down.

Just do what young kids do and autocorrect the lyrics in your head to fit whatever narrative you're working on.

#3: Low Down, Dirty

This is the song that got Eminem noticed by Dr. Dre, apparently. Dude heard this song and starting frothing at the cock, like "GET ME THIS BLACK MAN." And then he found out he wasn't a black man, and then didn't hire him because he was racist and nobody ever heard of Eminem again. Sad.

#2: Bad Influence

I'm in favor of any song that boasts a gleeful childlike joy about leading the youth of America into bad behavior. I think it's genuinely a hilarious approach. So many times, artists who get put into the public spotlight for young people emulating their personas try to go out in public and apologize and say it's just for the lulz. But not this song, no. Eminem is like "I punch hookers in the face" and people were just like "oh."

Punching hookers rules.

#1: Drug Ballad

This song actually both celebrates getting roasted on drugs and warns people not to do them. It's meta levels of hypocrisy and it rules. It's like how I tell people not to do DXM while I salivate over the idea of chugging a bottle of grape cough syrup and throwing up all over myself. Drugs are so cool.

Now listen. I don't advocate drug use. I don't think kids should do drugs, unless they want to do anything creative, in which case, yeah, do a shitload of drugs. Pour acid into your mouth and hit your creative peak. Who gives a shit? Do you really need to remember why you walked into the room? Do you really value your childhood memories? I don't. Flush that shit and become an icon. Idiot.