Fruity Pebbles

Date: October 10th, 2021

Why are there so many types of cereal? I'll tell ya, kid. It's a psyop. It's Big Cereal trying to distract you from the fact that the only cereal that needs to exist is Fruity Pebbles.

That's right. Fruity Pebbles are truly perfect. If you do not get this new bowl of fruity, milky madness: YOU are STUPID.

I love pouring a big bowl of Fruity Pebbles, filling it with milk and then letting it sit around for like five minutes so it all becomes a big soggy blob. That's when the fun begins and you dive in.

Fruity Pebbles are like if Rice Crispies were good. I even had an edible that was just a fruity pebbles cereal bar laced with weed that I bought off the manager at a local grocery store while I was still on the clock at work. I ain't fuckin' around when I say I'm all about The Pebs.

Don't like Pebs? You're a pleb. You can't handle their aura because you're a milky fruit.

The Rock called John Cena a big bowl of Fruity Pebbles, but I don't see it. I don't really smell what he's cooking with that one, but you're not supposed to cook cereal anyway. Dumbass.

I dunno how well known The Flintstones are among Gen Z. I'd imagine they just think they're the cavemen from the cereal and the vitamins. Kids today don't know shit about good cartoons or good cereal. That's why they eat ass and watch cartoons that aren't even about a modern stoneage family from the town of Bedrock. But they'll sing that "I can make your bed rock" song in their car at me while I'm waiting at the crosswalk dressed like a whore.

My jovial focalpoint is this: fruity pebbles are better than you, and you know it.