I have a confession to make: I should be a fat whore.
Why? Because of the glory of oatmeal creme pies.
Ho-lee SHIT. I would kill a penguin to lick the empty wrapper of one. That's how much I love them. I don't even care that I'm allergic to them. I'll keep going. You can't stop me. NOTHING STOPS ME.
They say that food can't replace love. Clearly, they haven't eaten these. It's like a hug in your mouth.
If oatmeal creme pies aren't your favorite snack cake, I have bad news for you: you're fucking retarded.
It's soft with a creamy inside. Just like your mom's ass. But topical Chris Chan references aside, I'm going to gain 400 pounds purely off eating these things. And I'm going to love it. Just like Shelley Duvall.
God she's hot.
These delicious little snacks are the only reason I haven't dragged a kitchen knife through the big vein in my wrist. They're so good and pure. If you ever see a news story about them being discontinued: don't bother reading my site anymore. I've already killed myself.
I'm just kidding. I would never kill myself. I'm far too selfish and enjoy imposing my misery on others. It's my thing. I'm going to live to 80 years old being a miserable cunt to everyone I know. And I"m gonna do it while eating oatmeal creme pies every day.
But my love of oatmeal creme pies has led to the creation of a cartoon! Darkdog Films has cranked out this bad boy, based on my constant gushing about these circular fuckers. LET'S GET FUCKIN' ANIMATED, YOOOOOO!