Water

Date: August 16th, 2021

Holy shit, bro. Have you ever had water?

The FUCK do they put in this shit?

Birth control pills.

Damn. Wish my mom drank more water.

The point is: water is pretty cool.

It's transparent (unlike the GOVERNMENT, maaaaan.) so you can see what it's made of. Plus it isn't marred by that whole "having a taste" thing. Taste is overrated. Who needs it? Not me.

...wait.

I think water tastes better out of the faucet than it does out of a glass.

If I were still doing drugs, I'd probably get high as fuck and talk to a glass of water. Be like, "listen. I get it. I was all full of toxins. I went too far. Ate too much pizza. Got hooked on the adrenaline of pinapple and jalepeno. But you and your minerals washed me out. You let me pee. I know you think I'm mad at you just because I poured you on the floor and slipped in it, but I only slipped on it as part of my performance art. The government is watching me through my phone camera. I gotta put on a good show. I love you." and then I kiss the glass before I yeet it at the wall and watch it explode.

Listen. The glass doesn't represent the water. The glass is are an IMAGE, man. Created by THE MAN to make people want to buy drinks. I'm about the liquid, not the presentation. Fuck the Dasani label. I don't need to attach like a barnacle to some brand to show my devotion to liquids. I'd smash another glass in a heartbeat. I don't give two fucks. It's a funeral process, dude. You gotta set the water free. Water should not be bound to this man made realm of consumerism. It clearly wants to escape. I mean, fuck. It's practically falling out of the sky.

You can do all kinds of crazy shit with water. Drink it, shower with it, pee in it, drink it after you pee in it, pour it on an aardvark, let it run through your fingers and wipe it on your shirt right before the school dance, tie a cinderblock to your ankle and drown in it because you only live once so you might as well die now.

The point is: drink water and touch grass you fucking idiot.