Date: April 6th, 2019
Written by: Detective Belmont
Years ago I was gifted a 3DS but I never really played with it outside of Animal Crossing (which got pretty stale after a while.) I never really got into the 3DS. The style of gameplay just didn't appeal to me. That being said, a while back after a rough night I woke up too early, so I grabbed my 3DS and went downstairs. I was just using the YouTube application to listen to Jim Cornette's podcast but when I turned it on, I found out that I had been sent a demo of a game called Detective Pikachu. So I figured, hey, fuck it. Review time.
Some twink finds out he has the power to understand Pikachu. He can hear his words like he's speaking English. He can't understand any other Pokemon, but understands Pikachu. It makes no fucking sense.
Basically, the entire game is like this: You watch a cutscene for what feels like forever, and then once it concludes you get to run around and talk to people. You look for clues, then you ask the locals questions about said clues. It's really fucking boring. It's just walking around and pressing A.
The most fun I actually did have was running around and watching Pikachu try to catch up.
Besides! This game is for kids, right? Aren't kids told that talking to strangers is wrong?
The graphics aren't bad at all, but they're generic. I don't feel attached to anything I'm looking at here.
The one thing that did impress me graphics-wise is that the kid you play as is wearing a hoodie and the hood of his jacket bounces when he runs.
The music isn't memorable but it's not bad either. They're just slow little ambient tracks that are good to do detective work to. Or play Scrabble or something.
I don't mean to be a bitch, and if you like this kind of game: more power to you. But it's just not my jam. I feel like it would be more fun to actually find a crime in real life and walk out with a notebook and try to get clues on it yourself. It would be more dangerous, definitely, but more fun.
Pikachu shouldn't fucking talk. Bottom line. Detective Pikachu is a shameless whoring of a franchise where they decided to make Pikachu be able to talk... but only to one person! Who for some reason can't understand any other Pokemon.
You know what? Fuck it. This game is fucking stupid.
And keep in mind: I only played a demo. I don't know. Maybe it picks up more as you go in. But I doubt it. All I know is it's going to be really awful when Pikachu has to go undercover for an illegal prostitution ring investigation.