Date: September 23rd, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
Now that we've snowballed with Sasha Grey, it's time to get wet. This is
Dire, Dire Docks Jolly Roger Bay.
There's a secret area in here, where you just swim around a giant fish tank collecting red coins. It fucking sucks. I hate swimming. That's how Ben drowned, man.
Fun fact: the famous pictures of the Ben Drowned cartridge that everyone uses for their creepypasta clickbait? It's mine.
Yes, I still have it.
So we have to swim down and find the Titanic. Nobody tell Maddox.
Get out of here, Paige! This isn't Smarkitude and I'm not talking about Brad Maddox, I'm talking about the angry pirate from the computer.
Seriously. This dude hates the Titanic almost as much as I hate HDTV.
JESUS CHRIST THAT IS SCARY.
What the FUCK. This game is for CHILDREN. This is almost as scary as me without makeup!
I'm running away from this nonsense. Fuck this. I'm going into a cave.
I want the FUCKING TREASURE.
Once you figure out the order of the four chests you're allowed to open, you get a star. But fuck it. I need to face my fears and go into that god damn'd ship.
You gotta do the same treasure chest bullshit, then it makes the water drain out like cum from a tranny's balls that you've been blowing for an hour.
Oh, and that whole "get the metal cap to walk through the swift currents and get the star" mission? You don't need a metal cap. Just let Toad swim at it and you'll probably get it pretty quick.
Seriously. He's so heavy that he cuts through this shit like butter.
Then he gives the camera the finger.
This little fucker doesn't give a shit about anything.