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Jolly Roger Bay

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Date: September 23rd, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween

Now that we've snowballed with Sasha Grey, it's time to get wet. This is Dire, Dire Docks Jolly Roger Bay.

There's a secret area in here, where you just swim around a giant fish tank collecting red coins. It fucking sucks. I hate swimming. That's how Ben drowned, man.

Fun fact: the famous pictures of the Ben Drowned cartridge that everyone uses for their creepypasta clickbait? It's mine.
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Yes, I still have it.

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No shit.

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So we have to swim down and find the Titanic. Nobody tell Maddox.

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Get out of here, Paige! This isn't Smarkitude and I'm not talking about Brad Maddox, I'm talking about the angry pirate from the computer.

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Seriously. This dude hates the Titanic almost as much as I hate HDTV.

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JESUS CHRIST THAT IS SCARY.

What the FUCK. This game is for CHILDREN. This is almost as scary as me without makeup!

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I'm running away from this nonsense. Fuck this. I'm going into a cave.

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I want the FUCKING TREASURE.

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Once you figure out the order of the four chests you're allowed to open, you get a star. But fuck it. I need to face my fears and go into that god damn'd ship.

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You gotta do the same treasure chest bullshit, then it makes the water drain out like cum from a tranny's balls that you've been blowing for an hour.

Oh, and that whole "get the metal cap to walk through the swift currents and get the star" mission? You don't need a metal cap. Just let Toad swim at it and you'll probably get it pretty quick.

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Seriously. He's so heavy that he cuts through this shit like butter.

Then he gives the camera the finger.

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This little fucker doesn't give a shit about anything.

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