Date: July 10th, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
Last night I drank a bunch of lemonade and played the newly released Waluigi's Taco Stand for Nintendo 64.
But first, let's welcome Waluigi to Human Raccoon. I think this is his first appearance on here ever!
...perhaps his last.
So Waluigi is a gambling addict and blew all his cash on the slot machine. What an irresponsible dickhead. Then we go back to his shithole house where the koopa landlord is grilling him about the rent.
The worst part? You've also gotta work off Wario's debt. Stupid big-nosed fuck. God I hate him.
After what amounts to like 10 seconds, you finally get control of Waluigi.
We get to walk around his house a little, which is pretty cool! He's got some empty boxes. Those are always good for filling with things. Like Bad Dragon dildos or DVDs.
He's got a pet chain chomp like in Link's Awakening... which seems fucking dangerous, but whatever.
Alright. His house sucks.
Alright. Now we're in business. It's time to make some tacos.
Here's how it works. You have to run around "taco fields" to collect the ingredients that the customer requested. It's kind of fun. When you kill goombas, you get beef (which I mistook for bacon). They have tomatoes, lettuce, etc. But if you accidentally grab the wrong ingredient... that's it. You're fucked. You're brown bread.
For whatever reason, Waluigi can't take damage. I don't know if that's just for this game or if that's a thing with his character. I'm admittedly Waluignorant. If you know the answer to this, send me an email so I can add you to my blocklist because I don't care.
The requests are normally pretty typical. Hook a mothafucka up with some beef, some lettuce. Good shit.
(God I want Taco Bell all of a sudden.)
The only buffer from the game's repetitiveness is the level changes with new terrain--- but that's about it. And it still is repetitive as fuck.
What the fuck.
As I finally hit the final level of this thing, I'm greeted to this.
Nice. This thing is broken.
The model of Denver the Lava Floating Friendly Dinosaur is jittery and doesn't follow a track that I can follow whatsoever. But I remembered that Waluigi is invincible in this game... so here goes nothing.
Yeah fuck it. I'm just gonna bounce my ass across the fucking lava to gather these ingredients because that fucking dinosaur isn't programmed right. Fuck it.
So I make the final taco, the koopa tells me my rent is paid and the game is over.
I'll say in the end, this was a creative use of the Super Mario 64 engine... but it was pretty repetitive. I think this would be good to give to a little kid or something. Like, legit. They'd have a blast with this and probably actually find it challenging and mentally stimulating. So if you have little kids and you wanna give them a fun little mental exercise, try Waluigi's Taco Stand out. It's not half bad.