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Kokiri Forest (Part 2)

ootkokiri01

Date: March 28th, 2019

ootkokiri25

Ah, yes. Kokiri Forest.

A glorified swamp that smells like plastic dinosaurs.

So as I try to leave my shitty, no-TV having house, a green haired feminist runs up to preach her agenda to me.

ootkokiri26

Alright. Now I'm free to move around. No longer bound by these endless cutscenes... now I'm only bound by having to pause the game every 5 seconds to write something down in Notepad.

ootkokiri27
ootkokiri28

What the fuck did you just call me?

ootkokiri30

Oh, you meant the little flying orb thingy around me. Yeah. It's pretty sweet I guess. She showed up and told me I have to save the world.

ootkokiri29

Eh. Not really. I wanted to stay inside and watch Drexell's Class.

According to Saria, it's a "big honor" to speak to the Great Deku Tree. But I don't care. Having Abraham Lincoln pee in your face would be an honor too but that doesn't mean I want it to happen.

ootkokiri31

No thanks. I've seen what kind of "moves" you do.

Rock fucking freak.

ootkokiri32
ootkokiri33
ootkokiri34

That's how I converted from Agnostic to Buddhist. I just pushed C-Up.

ootkokiri35

Well, move out of the way then so I can end this hellish facade once and for all.

ootkokiri37

MOVE, BITCH. GET OUT THE WAY.

ootkokiri38
ootkokiri39

Wow. Mido's a cunt.

He's making rock fucker pick up rocks. But he can't because he gets so horny he just wants to rub his dick on them.

ootkokiri40
thatsnice
ootkokiri41

All I've really learned about this forest is that Mido is a piece of garbage and he wants to get with Saria.

I think it's about time to meet this Mido shithead and give him The Business.

ootkokiri42
ootkokiri44
ootkokiri43

Strictly sexual.

ootkokiri45

You dare question my manhood!? Well your mom didn't last night!

ohhh

Besides, you two foot twink. If you hadn't noticed this little ball of light floating around my head: I do have a fairy now. So kiss my ass.

ootkokiri46
You know it, spaghettio dick.
ootkokiri48
ootkokiri47

Because you're a loser and I will never forgive the Great Deku Tree for giving birth to you.

ootkokiri49

I disagree.

ootkokiri50
ootkokiri51

Oh... fuck. I hadn't really thought about that. I was just gonna go in fists blazing like Bruce Lee.

Alright. So now we have to find a sword and a shield.

ootkokiri52

Not according to Mido.

ootkokiri53
ootkokiri54
ootkokiri55

Alright. Using my cunning intellect I have found a sword. But intelligence will only get you so far: now we have to bow to the pressures of consumerism. We have to buy a shield from the grocery store.

I hope they have a crane game.

ootkokiri56
mrpopo
PopoTip: The Forest Lolis do not value money like the greedy warmongers of the real world. You can find rupees in bushes, trees, inside rocks and more.
ootkokiri57

...then why would anyone shop here?

ootkokiri58

Alright. We have acquired the shield. We have the sword. It's time to talk to a tree.

ootkokiri59

Go fuck yourself, bitch. I bought the necessary supplies to take this class. Get out of my way.

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A perpetually teenaged goth girl rants about VHS movies, N64 games & more.