Borderline

Date: March 15th, 2021

Because of how often I've used Borderline by Madonna in my show, people assume it might be because I personally suffer from this wacky thing called Borderline Personality Disorder.

Not true! I just use Madonna sometimes because she got my mom pregnant.

That's right. Madonna is my dad.

(that would be pretty cool. she'd scratch her balls and grill up some hot dogs and tell the neighborhood kids to express themselves)

This music video has a fascinating story.

After witnessing Madonna's absolutely fucking devastating offense, a photographer (which is code for "Well Dressed Pervert") shows up and tells Madonna he'd really like to photograph her alone in a hotel room while she's completely naked.

Clearly, this worked.

The guy gives Madonna his card, but one of her gay dancers steals it from her, because that's what homosexuals do: take away women's dreams.

What we find out though, is that this guy isn't one of her gay backup dancers: he's her gay boyfriend!

And boy howdy, he is JEALOUS.

The video depicts him as being a jerk for acting jealous about Madonna and the photographer, even though she is clearly shown snowballing with him during a photoshoot. I have a feeling that was only the start of it. How else do you think she got on MTV?

You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline.

Oh. That's what happened. See, she had to cheat on her boyfriend because he pushed her love over the borderline.

That makes sense.

She winds up cornering him outside a bar and wanting to mack on his cheese, but he turns away dramatically because the stench of the photographer's balls on her tongue is far too much for any man to take.

This disappoints Madonna, who kicks a pole in classic "aw drats" fashion.

Like, dude. You cheated on him. You dumb whore.

He's just gonna go fuck Lady Gaga and get the same experience.

Then, while doing an edgy photoshoot, she legitimately tags his fucking car with a can of spraypaint.

Like, holy shit. Look at him. He's legitimately about to kill this bitch.

How do you make such an unlikeably protagonist in a 3 minute story that's entirely made up of singing a pop song?

Holy fucking shit.