Can't Be Tamed
Written by: Raccoon
Remember when Miley Cyrus was on a terrible TV show? Well, now she's got a vagina and likes to fuck. That's why she can't be tamed.
We open with a man saying "welcome to the museum." What museum? That's awfully fucking generic. It doesn't have a name?
There's also no way that this guy isn't a wiener diddler. Look at him, for fuck sake.
He announces that there's a rare species "so rare it was believed to be extinct." What is it? People who don't own
He refers to this creature has "...adus Cyrus!" Or... maybe it's adis... or atus... AIDSus? I don't know. I'm not educated in the matter and no amount of research has found me this word so I just have to cop to being a fucking idiot.
So Miley looks back at all the gawking patrons and they're like "holy FUCK." I don't know why. She's just a lady.
She approaches them and they start applauding for some reason. I don't really get it.
A photographer takes a photo of her and she EJECTS WINGS FROM HER BACK AND COVERS HERSELF WITH THEM.
WHAT THE FUCK.
Did she drink a fucking Red Bull? Jesus Christ.
"For those who don't know me, I can get a bit crazy. Have to get my way at least 24 hours a day because I'm hot like that."
That explains why she flipped her shit at a single negative review about her granolacore album that someone did.
If only she had flipped out like that at mine. I need the fucking publicity. Trying to get you people to read my site is like pulling teeth out of a grown man's ass.
Besides. Calling someone "out of touch" for not liking your boring, uninspired, dogshit album is bullshit and you know it "henny." Stop talking like a fucking retard and escape your own million-dollar hubris. You have absolutely no tact.
Imagine having as much money as Miley Cyrus does and letting a random critic's opinion fuck you up that much. It's fucking bananas.
"Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention, like I'm under inspection, I always get a ten 'cause I'm built like that."
Dude. Guys will fuck anything. There's no value to a guy giving you attention. You could be a five o'clock shadow having crossdresser and likely find an allegedly heterosexual dude who will praise you. It means nothing that some guy wants to grab your tit meat. It's like finding a shark that wants to eat you.
"I go through guys like money flying out their hands. They try to change me, but they realize they can't. And every tomorrow is a day I never plan. If you're gonna be my man, understand that I can't be tamed."
So you ride cocks relentlessly and don't give a fuck. I can respect that. Unfortunately men are disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I mean... that's this whole song. "I love cock and I'm not Hannah Montana anymore."
Good for you, Miley Montana. I hope Nicki Minaj slaps the shit out of you so hard that she loses her footing, smacks her head on a coffee table and realizes that all of her music is terrible.
Although I do like her adaptation over a Biggie Smalls beat... which is ironically also about cock.