You Drive Me Crazy
Written by: Majin Tween
I had a dream once that Britney Spears was my girlfriend. It was the greatest thing that ever happened in my worthless life. But then the phone in my house rang and woke me up. The phone call wasn't even for anyone. It was a spam caller. I was fucking irate and I never got Britney back. Since then, I've decided I would die for her.
You know what drives me crazy? When girls are forced by record executives to only sing songs about how much they love cock.— Human Raccoon 🦝 (@humanraccoon) July 15, 2019
"You Drive Me Crazy" by Britney Spears is one of those songs.
🦝 Full Review: https://t.co/XSB9ncikar pic.twitter.com/1upmDSoHvt
We open with Britney Spears working as a waitress. I've never felt closer to her than I do now... except for in that dream, I guess.
Gordo is fucking mesmerized.
Then Clarissa shows up to explain it all. But I don't want to hear what this bitch has to say. I'm here for Britney. Cast a spell that makes me give a fuck.
"Baby... I'm so into you. You've got that something. What can I do?"
I don't know what any of that means.
"Baby, you spin me around."
Oh shit. This song is about Meatspin.
"The earth is moving, but I can't feel the ground."
I believe that's called dying.
"Every time you look at me, my heart is jumpin', it's easy to see you drive me crazy."
Wait a minute... is this a song where a girl is singing about a heterosexual relationship!?
It fucking drives me nuts that girls are never allowed to sing about anything else other than dating boys and letting them stick their penis inside you. It's fucking awful. I'm not saying that girls shouldn't be in relationships, or that my hatred of the human race should be commonplace. But girls should have more going on than just dating. I mean, for shit sake, even all of Joan Jett's songs are about relationships and she's supposed to be the punk rock rebel girl.
Don't get me wrong. I love this song. It goes hard and it has a major pink-glitter-gel-pen energy. But I'm so tired of women being forced to sing about relationships (and now in millennial society being forced to sing about empowerment in a fake way.) Like, you know what empowerment would really be? Let a girl sing a song about throwing light bulbs at dolphins. Let girls sing song about driving trucks, or chasing their actual dreams. Not like that Demi Lovato Camp Rock shit where she sings about her dreams but then Joe Jonas shows up and is like "is this about my penis?" and she's like "You know what? Yeah. Yeah it is."