Date: October 19th, 2021

Do you even understand what they took from you? We were promised a lot of futuristic fashion and aesthetic during the Y2K era, and then 9/11 happened and they flushed in favor of American flags.

Yes. Terrorism is the reason people started wearing denim instead of PVC. I'm irate.

But... we almost had the Y2K aesthetic come back!

See, there are performers trying to resurrect the style. LIZ, Night Club. But Nickelodeon alumni Ariana Grande had one stint of rocking the aesthetic and truly made me wonder why the fuck all modern media isn't rocking this aesthetic. It actually makes HDTV seem like a good idea for fuck sake. It looks good! Why the FUCK--

And seriously. This video almost made me an Ariana Grande fan... until I watched more of her shit and realized this was just a weird gimmicky one-off. She had the chance to use her platform to elevate the Y2K aesthetic to the mainstream but instead focuses on singing about getting fucked so hard she can't walk. Sweet. Thanks for nothing, bitch.

The video is also laced with smart phone imagery, because God forbid people get to escape from staring at phones. People probably watched this video on their phones, so they're seeing smart phone propaganda on their smart phones. That's some Xzibit shit. Plus she uses a stylus on it, which I've never seen anyone ever do in the history of anything ever. It almost gives me palm pilot vibes, at least. I'm trying to find the silver lining in all of this, and I don't just mean the silver lining on her shiny outfit.

I know what I came to do, and that ain't gonna change.

I'm jealous. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing anymore.

So go ahead and talk your talk, 'cause I won't take the bait.

...I don't know what you're talking about at all. What the fuck does that even mean? Who is talking the talk? Are they also walking the walk? What bait? Jailbait? Is this song about Dan Schneider?

I'm over here doing what I like.

What's that? Crouching in that thing you store your backpack in?

I'm over here working day and night.

Man. I feel that on a fundemental level. I just worked a four hour shift and I have to go in for a five hour shift in a little bit at my job, and in between then I've gotta do my work-from-home stuff. But I don't believe you're doing shit besides sucking cock and waiting for a ghoulish man in a suit to hand you the lyrics to the song about fucking he just wrote for you. Shut up you lying cunt. You ain't never worked for a living. You don't know what it's like out here in the mines. You probably say "mines" when you mean "mine." Uneducated whore. Fuck you.

And if my real ain't real enough, I'm sorry for ya bae.

What aspect of anything you promote is "real"? You're one of the reasons that young women feel so uncomfortable in their own skin. Millions of girls throughout the world so upset that they look like regular human beings that they modify themselves to emulate the looks of celebrities like Areola Granola, Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, etc. just so they can have ghoulish perverts on Instagram go "omg yummmm!!" while they lube their smelly cocks with yellow mustard and jack off into a Burger King napkin. No thanks.

Let's find a light inside our universe now. Where ain't nobody keep on holdin' us down. Just come and get it, let them say what they say: 'Cause I'm about to put them all away, WOO!

WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANY OF THAT MEAN!? You're just saying shit for the sake of saying shit. This is gibberish. This is fucking word salad. This is bullshit, is what it is. I'm so stressed out by this goddamn song I could have a fucking ulcer.

Then Jamie Fox starts piping in screaming "FOCUS ON ME! FOFOCASFODUFACOUOCOSU SON MEH!" Which sums up what drives people to want to be famous in the first place, this unrelenting need for constant validation and attention at any cause. They'll forfeit their freedom, identity, whatever. As long as people are talking about you and gushing over you, it's all good! It's fucking bleak and depressing, especially when it all gets flushed down the toilet and you're left trying to figure out what happened and why you no longer get to ride those highs you once had.

Then by the time you finally adjust to having to go back to being a semi-real person, they cart you back out for novelty tours and reunions so they can milk the nostalgia they manufactured by pulling the plug on your fame when they stopped feeding you the hits and started giving them to whoever the next hot young singer is.

I can tell you're curious: It's written on your lips. Ain't no need to hold it back, go 'head and talk your shit.

So... is the person you're singing about like... they want to fuck? Is that the gimmick? And they're spouting out one-liners trying to get you to drop your PVC skirt and ride their cock like a tidal wave?

Why am I still trying to crack the code on this? This is ridiculous. Who wrote this? I bet it was Fred Fucks.

The song just kinda sputters out into more screaming about getting focused on and shit. I don't know. I can't endorse this. I wanted to love it because Y2K, but then I see a pile of women holding up phones and glorifying selfie culture, which in itself is horribly cringe. If any of my friends were hanging out with me and they were like "OMG LET'S GET A SELFIE!" and then held up their phone next to me and like put their hand under the face to make a cute pose I'm pretty sure the next shot they get would be me hunched over their dead, mangled corpse with blood all over my mouth staring into the camera like a feral animal. I hate what society has become so much it makes me physically ill.

Nah but good song though. It slaps.
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