La La Land

Date: April 12th, 2022

You know that Demi Lovato song that goes "I still eat McDonald's"? Well, I can't relate because I don't.

I've done a pretty good job of staying away from fast food, save for special occasions like when we move into a new house or go on a road trip or somethin'. I'm trying to maintain a perfect pop star figure so that when I'm 50 years old and finally gain a fanbase for my website, I'll be ready to go.

But I recall the first time I had Burger King after like... at that point five years without having touched fast food at all... God damn... it was genuinely an endorphin release. I felt like I had just taken vicodin or something. It was glorious. I don't know what the FUCK they put in those burgers, but the fact that abstaining that hard and then coming back to it gave me a drug relapse-level high (no joke), something's amiss.

Anyway. This is a review of Demi Lovato's La La Land. A song that has inspired many girls to uh... -checks notes- slit their wrists and be attention whores. Radical.

I'm bothered by the 12 year old entertainment news host. Is this that Disney 411 show? This is ballsacks.

This entire video is Demi Lovato pissing all over the fake Hollywood system... yet, here she still is, living deep within the world. I can tell this didn't actually mean anything to you, you fake. You fraud.

It's like the PG version of Evanescence's Everybody's Fool. She's sick of the poopy industry she's stuck in and contractually obligated to remain in, lest someone inject her with 800 pounds of sand and watch her turn into a genderless blob of sadness.

I always find it fascinating when these social/structural criticisms make it through somehow onto the very networks that glorify the lifestyles. It's befuddling. I am befuddled that it never makes a difference and nobody actually internalizes any of it.

But you know, it could be worse. I could give a shit.

Yeah man. I'm so cool and aloof. I don't care about nothin', man. Let's smoke a doobie and watch the Family Matters edits I made that remove Urkel.

.::be.cool::.
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