Nobody's Perfect

Date: September 30th, 2021

We've all been there. You make a small mistake that affected literally nobody and didn't actually matter, it festers into a little brain egg, it randomly pops up when relatable keywords hit your brainwaves and you consider killing yourself in grand fashion.

But what you need to understand is that everyone makes mistakes and everyone has those days. That's what the OG Human Raccoon mascot Hannah Montana says! You should listen to that bitch.

Sometimes I'm in a jam, I gotta make a plan. It might be crazy: I do it anyway.

Goddamn that's inspirational AND relatable.

Sometimes, you get coated in grape jam, and all you can do is try to figure out how to clean it all up before your mom gets home and finds out you have a Chaturbate account.

That's not even slightly what that lyric said.

Close enough for me!

No way to know for sure. I figure out a cure. I'm patchin' up the holes, but then it overflows!

Oh fuck. This song is about getting cancer on the Titanic! Hannah's depth is tremendous!

If I'm not doing too well, why be so hard on myself?

Uh, because making mistakes means you're literal dogshit and do not deserve love? I thought everyone knew that.

NOBODY'S PERFECT!

Oh? Then explain this:

Sometimes I work a scheme, but then it flips on me. Doesn't turn out how I planned. I get stuck in quick sand.

Oh man. If I had a nickel... nickle? I think it's nickel. Or... no, nickle.

Fuck! I made a mistake! WHERE'S MY FUCKING GUN!?

No problem can't be solved once I get involved. I try to be delicate, then crash right into it.

Dude! Samesies! That's why every person I've ever given advice to has immediately killed themselves right in front of me. Didn't turn out how I planned. I've got blood on my hands.

But my intentions are good: sometimes just misunderstood.

God damn, this bitch is coming for my feelings and attacking me right in the goals.

I won't stand for it. I will snap the bones off in my wrists and throw hands.

Alright. Enough of these fuckin' jokes. Look, kid. You're a fuck up. You burn shit in the microwave. You've lost friends. Your parents regret rubbing genitals. It's not your fault. Life is a bitch who keeps whipping you in the balls with a coat hanger. She wears full latex and stuffs stuff up your butt. Are you just gonna stand there and take it? You either gotta stand up for yourself and say "fuck this planet, I didn't ask to be here", or lean into the abuse and moan like the little slut you are. Fuck you.