Pie

Date: October 9th, 2021

The Rock is making national headlines today, as he's just made his alleged "rap debut." Clearly, these normies have not listened to the absolute unit that is WWF The Music Volume 5, in which The Dwayne gives us a beautiful song called "Pie."

For those not in the know, pie means vagina. I know. I know. And strudel is penis! The Rock is a genius when it comes to comparing food to genitals. He's better at it than acting, although that's not a hard feat considering he sucks.

The song kicks off with a skit of a bakery boy talking to Rock and gushing about how famous he is, and The Rock's just like "yeah jabroni, The Rock knows. Bend over." or whatever.

Drivin down South though quickly aroused, when my car caught a flat near this old farm house.

Yeah. We get to think about The Rock's boner now. So that's cool. Get it? It's all euphamisms. Should change his name to The Cock and play the Joker because all this guy knows how to do is tell cock jokes.

I hope somebody's home, takin a chance at it. Knocked on the door and this fine chick answered it. Daisy Duke shorts on, five foot stood. Said sure - what the heck, I mean it did smell good. So when she called Rock in the kitchen, towards the vapor: There's her grandmother, aunt, and her Chinese neighbor?

...I'm sorry, what? Is The Rock about to run a train on a bunch of old ladies?

...can I watch?

(Grandmother said) Be polite, eat mine first. So I sat down, tried hers, she looked quite glad. Had a strange taste of mold, but it wasn't so bad.

...this is literally horrible. What in the fuck am I listening to? THIS is the big musical debut of the highest paid movie star in Hollywood? This is worse than shit people get cancelled over. Holy hot fucking piss.

He ate an old lady's pussy and it tasted like mold.

HER VAGINA HAD MOLD IN IT.

I cannot believe this is the man that defines my childhood. Is this why I'm so fucked up? Because my era's Hulk Hogan was a freaky sex pervert who talks about eating moldy pussy?

Fucking hell.

'Til FINALLY, a plate of the next door neighbor's. Gulped it down fast, cause it really did please. I mean it tasted so good, Rock was talking Chinese: Ching-bong-bing-yao-moya-AIYYYYY! Dat good pie!

...

Like...

I'm obviously not even a social justice warrior with 90% of the shit I've put out there but holy fuck. We go from eating moldy pussy to doing the most offensive Chinese stereotype possible and still rapping about eating pussy. This is incredible. This is the greatest song ever written. This should be the national anthem. I'm not even kidding.