The Real Slim Shady

Date: October 5th, 2021

A lot of humanRaCcoOn readers aren't aware that I'm Slim Shady.

Yes. I'm the real Shady. All those other Slim Shadies? Well, let's be honest folks. They're just immitating.

And I've been chugging jack and coke, so I can't stand up. Can't stand up. Can't stand up.

It's weird to me that Eminem has had such a stranglehold on the American public. He's got a good voice, great rhymes, killer beats (usually), but 90% of his songs are just about him. I think it plays mostly into people's obsession with celebrity worship. Not me. All I do is think about myself, because I keep it real. So this song that's literally just about him being so cool doesn't really hit me in the belly button like other songs do. But whatever, yo.

May I have your attention please?

Yes you may, Kathy Griffin.

Damn. You're making me not care that you call yourself a comedian but you're not funny.

Ya'll act like you've never seen a white person before.

Is that how people act? I wasn't aware of this phenomenon. "Eeek! A white person!" Cover your children's eyes! They're going to complain that their spaghettios are too spicy!

Wait... that's kinda what the internet has become lately. Fuck. Eminem is clairevoyant.

This song's got topical celebrity references! Tommy Lee beating the shit out of Pamela Anderson, because domestic violence is FAWKIN' hilarious!

Dr. Dre winds up dead in Eminem's basement, which is gross because then that means Eminem spends all his time sucking off a dead guy. Then he moves onto feminists with the "chikichiki" and such. It goes into the line "yeah but he's so cute though!", which is hilarious because when the song is performed live he makes his hype man yell that lyric. That's a strange closet-gay power move that's honestly pretty alpha.

I should note that if I make fun of someone for being gay on here, it's not an anti-gay thing. Obviously. However, I find it baffling how some of the most outspoken homophobic people often end up having skeletons in their closet that kinda go "oh that dude was fighting something inside himself and that's why he was so anti-whatever." When you vocally protest something too hard, it makes it obvious you're hiding something. Just a protip to any in-the-closet readers out there: if you like to touch other dude's butts, don't go off on tirades about dudes who touch butts. It just makes people think about you touching dudes butts.

Like, the whole vidoe is like "hey fuck all these celebrities. I am the best celebrity. I say swear words and Will Smith doesn't. ANGOR >:("

The beat is killer, which is why I recommend the Iggy Azalea version instead.