Written by: Majin Tween
She Is Coming
There are some misconceptions about me that come off because of the presentation of this website. For example, I do idolize Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and greatly admire everything they've accomplished. I would take two bullets and die twice for them.
However, Miley Cyrus is not someone I admire. Her personality in real life kind of reflects everything I hate about being alive. But because the Hannah Montana character has been a mascot of sorts for me personally, when I decided to launch the original version of this site back on Neocities, I decided that Hannah/Miley Cyrus should be the mascot of the site.
I like a lot of Miley's music. But I also like Limp Bizkit and I know for a fact that Fred Durst is a douche. That's not gonna stop me from cranking "I'm Broke" while counting the piss-amount of tips I get from work.
Miley has released an all-new EP called "She Is Coming."
All of Miley's diehard fans are poisoned by the Miley Virus. When she announced She Is Coming, everyone was like "yaaaas queen! Release it all over my face!"
We open this EP with a song called "Mother's Daughter." It opens with some digital farting followed by completely generic granolacore.
Seriously. This song, and every song on the radio pretty much, sounds almost exactly like Sonic Adventure's Mystic Ruins.
Everyone's so excited about this album from what I'm reading. I mean, this song's not bad. Even though there are a shitload of songs that come out these days that sound pretty much identical to this, if I was in a super mellow mood, I could see putting this song on. Even though the lyrics are utterly dog shit, I do relate to it. My mother is nasty and evil too, and I guess to a certain degree I am too because I saw a girl shit her pants in 4th grade and I laughed.
This song is fucking garbage.
Apparently, Miley's a little drunk and she's gonna get "high as hell." Ironic since I have a 6 pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and a makeshift-bong made out of a pill bottle sitting by the window with my name on it.
Even though this song is boring garbage, the lyrics have points of accuracy. I mean, it's written like shit but she brings up the point how everyone flips shit about her being slutty/attention whorey and treats her like a cunt over it even though everyone else does the same shit.
I mean, Britney Spears has children. That means she had sex. With a DUDE. That's disgusting but nobody freaks out about that.
But this song would have been more prominent had Jon Lajoie not done it first.
Holy fuck. Even though these songs all sound the same, somehow this one's worse. It's a shittier version of the same song.
It also features Ghostface Killah, who was in Def Jam Vendetta, which gives this song 1% of cool-cred.
Then again, Ghostface Killah also had a song in SmackDown vs RAW 2007. So maybe 1.5% cool-cred.
This song sucks.
This one's featuring Ru-Paul, who is a human that I kind of want to see lit on fire. This song is the embodiment of why. Holy fucking shit this sucks.
This is so fucking annoying and I feel like I've contracted an STD just from listening to it.
Ru-Paul is talking about his "pussy", saying he sucks dick and has apparently threatened to finger my butthole. That's sexual harassment.
Someone send Ru-Paul back to the Target bathroom they found him in.
Party Up The Street
Holy fucking shit. This is the most generic millennial norm-core fucking album I've ever listened to. I feel like I'm in a jungle and I'm dying of dysentary or something. This is torture.
IT'S THE SAME FUCKING SONG AS THE LAST ONE.
This album is genuinely fucking terrible. I wouldn't listen to this if I was trying to fall asleep for fear that the Ru-Paul song might act as some sort of bimbo hypnosis and turn me into a butthole fingering fiend.
If you like this album or any album like it you're wrong.