Limp Bizkit Still Sucks

Date: February 25th, 2022

I've been meaning to get to listening to this album since it came out, but I've been severely lacking in free time what with building this cultural revolution you're looking at right now. But enough is enough and it's time for a change.

I've got the CD loaded up in my Hannah Montana boombox and we're ready to go.

This is Limp Bizkit Still Sucks.

Out Of Style

This will be an interesting listen because I've never been out of style. It's time to see how the other side lives.

It's got quippy sound bitey thingers in the beginning, so you know it's gonna be all intense or whatever.

God this feels so good. It feels so write. Like taking a bong rip off an exhaust pipe while it's pulling you across the hot asphault on a Tuesday afternoon.

I really hope the full album sounds like this. It's making my brain face go :D

Dude this song rips dick. I love it. I'll use it in my UFC debut next week.

Yeah, Dana White is my close personal friend because we're so alike. He smells like piss.

Dirty Rotten Bizkit

The riff on this is nearly identical to Hot Dog. But the vocals aren't nearly as good.

This song has Fred Durst screaming for somebody to give him that smelly, rotten, foul, dirty, rotten bizkit "hard and loud."

This is called autosexuality, btw.

Dad Vibes

It's the look and song that got memed into oblivion by people too stupid to realize that it was a joke.

This song details being old but cool, like me. I got dad vibes.

I don't think I actually get it.

Alright, maybe not EVERY song is for me. Damn.

Turn It Up, Bitch

This song uses the dial-up internet sound, so that means it's good. It's kinda mellow, got vibey qualities.

I like it. Good ambiance. Turn it up, bitch.

Don't Change

This is a sad guitar singysong bip where Fred screams at his girlfriend not to change, but alas, she's getting older and will soon be an adult.

...hm? That's not right? Don't care. I control the narratives around here, buddy.

You Bring Out The Worst In Me

And here we have a rare slow song from this album.

Just kidding, that's been most of it so far.

This song's about betrayals and knives or something. I don't know. It's full of metaphors or whatever. I hate metaphors. Say what you mean, bitch. Art is gay.

Love The Hate

This song opens with two young gentleman remarking about how Limp Bizkit sucks, and they actually say that Fred looks like he has Drake's pubes on his chin. I'm at a loss for words.

And it's over before it began. o_O

Barnacle

This feels like four different early 90s radio grunge songs being splooged out at once.

I feel like I like it. I think I like it.

Oh who am I kidding, I don't like anything.

It's got that screaming and vocal distortion that that guy from that band did in the wayback days that time. Haha. That's music.

i am suffering

Empty Hole

When you've got an empty hole, you gotta plug it up. Or just play an acoustic guitar and whine about it.

Whatever happened to slashing a man's ass with a chainsaw and bringing it on? The core fundamentals Limp Bizkitism was founded upon? I feel betrayed.

Pill Popper

This has more distorted screaming, this time of Fred screeching "gimme my medicine."

Can someone get this guy his medicine so he can remember which nostalgic 90s band he's supposed to be resurrecting? I think he got confused on the drive back.

Snacky Poo

This is one of those hippity hops that the kids like.

This song is about not wanting social media validation... or something. It's got rhymes, yo!

This is why I don't review albums anymore.

Goodbye

Why does this sound like Vitamin C?

What the fuck is this album supposed to be? Did Limp Bizkit take it upon themselves to resurrect every dead genre from the 90s? Because that's ambitious as piss and cannot be done.

Listen, fellas. There are certain forms of music that aren't meant to intersect. You can't just mix rap with rock. You can't put girly pop with psychopathic metal. You're confusing the youngsters, who notoriously only enjoy one category of thing at a time and thus would be incapable of vibing with such a spastic sounding collection of songs that you call and album.

You gotta focus more on what brought you to the dance: slashing asses with chainsaws. Breaking stuff. DJ Lethal bringing it on. Stop trying to expand your horizons as an artist. Your efforts will only be fully appreciated after you're dead, but your cause of death will be a punchline on imageboards for incels to distract themselves from the loneliness creeping in.

Anyway. This is a good album. You should check it out. Good work, Bizkit Boyz.

.::be.cool::.
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