Written by: Majin Tween
Pretty much a full year before I ever got to see Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie (which I don't recall being very good), I was gifted a CD of Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie: The Soundtrack. I fucking love this album and don't really even think about the license it's attached to. You don't have to even like Yu-Gi-Oh to dig this album. The songs are just good.
You're Not Me
The song kicks off with a bunch of liquid techno squirts mixed with some basic electric guitar riffing. Then, right as you feel like you're falling asleep while standing up, it goes "bwooooooow!" and starts riffin' hard. This is some heavy shit.
"You think I've got it all! Everyone thinks I've got it made! Well, how come my only friends are the ones I pay!?"
Damn. Poor Marty Bags. He's surrounded by a bunch of vapid cunts who only love him for his money. (Probably the money he got by performing HIT SONGS for Yu-Gi-Oh!). He's just like Leo Daniels in the documentary Chasing Ghosts: Beyond the Arcade. Surrounded by whores who will suck his penis because he has some green paper.
"Nobody understand what I would do to change my life for just one day."
I certainly do, Mr. Bags. My life sucks. But we have to strive for better lives. That means abandoning your family and getting a RuneScape Premium Account.
"Don't say "If I were you", or tell me what you'd do. How things would be if you were in my shoes 'cause you're not me."
Alright, bitch. If you don't want to take my advice you can go fuck yourself then. I don't care.
You know what I need and it's not another serenade.
...what the fuck, dude? YOU'RE the one singing! If anything I should be saying that.
I get so tired of all the things you say!
Christ, you're a fucking prick. If you don't like my website you don't have to read it.
Gimme what I want. If you only would I'd gladly throw this all away.
Give you what you want? Who are you? Batista?
I know you think you're being nice, but spare me all your lame advice.
I'm sorry, but it is in my nature to give unsolicited advice and act like I'm above you. It's part of being a Buddhist.
Time to play my hand and roll the dice. Everybody's got their price.
I forgot this was a Yu-Gi-Oh song until now... featuring Ted DiBiase, because EVERYONE'S GOT A PRICE!
For far too long I've been denied. I'm making my move so just step aside. No one can say I never tried to do everything to get back my pride!
You can't be a millionaire and simultaneously have pride. In order to become retardedly rich, you had to have sold out. If you can somehow have pride in that you must be completely blissfully ignorant fool. Like Kanye West.
Oh God. Believing he's the second coming of Jesus has caused his brain to short circuit.
For The People
This song doesn't technically belong on this album at all. It's kind of not the same sound as the rest of the album in any capacity whatsoever... but you know what? It feels good anyway. And I like feeling good.
This song is just about how this dude who raps listened to other people who rap and wanted to be a dude who raps. "Yeah, dawg. I wanna say words that rhyme in succession with one another to a beat!"
It's kind of disappointing because I was hoping the song "For The People" would be about Rikishi.
One Card Short
Back in the day I got the Yu-Gi-Oh Maxamillion Pegasus promotional CD from McDonalds that had this song on it. So hearing it again on here was very strange, but it was welcome because it's in far better quality than the one on the McDonalds album.
I can't tell if this song is about a children's card game or my experience in trying to have friends. I'm always one card short, one day late and eventually they all piss in my eyes like I'm a human toilet. And not in the cool way.
Are you ready for darkpop!? This is like the Backstreet Boys beating the shit out of you in a back alley.
I can't actually discern that the lyrics to this song mean anything.
Long ago in the ancient past, I remember a life when we first met. In a dark shadow world under a big full moon, there and then I could tell you’d try to break my will.
This lyric reminds me of when I knew this girl who tried to say she identified as a dude despite wearing shirts that show off her giant cleavage, full make-up and high heeled shoes so I called her an idiot and years later she got in contact with me to say that I caused her to have to go to therapy.
I'm a monster.
I guess the lyric "You destroyed the future with your past" is true. I'm really a bitch.
For some reason I always imagined this song was being performed by the bully girls from That's So Raven.
This song makes me feel unstoppable. Like I could play a children's card game and win.
But you know, I like to assess songs by their lyrics and critique them. This album isn't really giving me a lot of power to do that. It's all "the cards" this. "My spirit" that. When am I going to get a song that plays into my goddamn writing style!?
I wanna change the world.
So do I. That's why I yell about media corruption.
I wanna find my pearl.
...are you Mr. Krabs?
I wanna be the one who in the end gets the pretty girl.
I mean, that would be pretty sweet. But girls don't really go for me on account of me not being a dude. I don't really get it. Instead I get my head sniffed by strange black guys in public while I'm shopping for shoes.
Don't wanna be outdone. I wanna be second to none. I wanna be the hero, not a zero to anyone.
Oh God. A hero complex. Look, you can't be a hero if you're blabbing about it like this. That totally eliminates doing the good deeds a hero does. That's why it's so phony when celebrities cart around cameras when they're doing charity work. Like, just fucking donate the money and shut up. Help people, not yourself.
But I'm subtraction by addition. And I'm a pretty bad magician.
But David Blaine isn't.
I wanna take the throne and hog the microphone. I wanna sing the greatest record you will ever own!
Man. Yeah! I just need to learn how to play the guitar and I can start a band, get married, have a baby, get a heroin addiction, fuck my mom and die.
I wanna cure all ills and have my face on a dollar bill.
I don't think they're really auditioning for new people to put on the dollar bills.
Besides. If you replace the dudes on the dollar bills, this outfit would go out of style:
I want you to sign my petition and I'm turnin' off the road to perdition.
I want you to sign my petition to stop David Blaine.
The Great Pretender
This song seems like something the guys David Blaine harasses would listen to.
Do you wander through this life like a child without a care?
Do you fear the things you love?
Yeah. I fear ever meeting Mary-Kate and Ashley, my idols, for fear they would hate me and I would disappoint them. I would rather them not know I'm alive.
Do you seek the things you fear?
...why? Do you know Mary-Kate and Ashley? Can you introduce me!?
Are you searching for the truth? But all you come across is lies.
How Much Longer?
I'm stuck inside. Can't get this done. Wish I could hide. This scene is really such a pain.
Yup! This is a song about being stuck in school when all you want to do is go onto the playground and rub butts with your classmates.
I just can't see how this is any use to me. This work is driving me insane.
You have to apply yourself! I mean, think about it. What if David Blaine hadn't practiced magic?
By the way, the part "All I really want is to get away"? Sounds suspiciously like when Good Charlotte sings "I don't ever want to be with you" in The Anthem.
That clock is slow.
Clearly you're not talking about T.T. from Diddy Kong Racing.
Just about broke my fingers trying to beat this circular fucker.
U Better Fear Me
I would like to say, for the record, that I own this album. I have the CD. I bought it in America. Yet I'm greeted to this:
Are you shitting me?
If I were a UFC fighter I would walk out in Yu-Gi-Oh gear to this song and get my ass beat in by a woman on steroids.
I don't really know what the point of this song is but apparently because of an evil egyptian pyramid, we're gonna fall in love.
And that's pretty darn special.
Remember The Anthem? It's that. Again.
And aside from the final bonus track being the Yu-Gi-Oh theme song, that's it. It's over. Did this album make you feel like Yugi Moto, playing childrens card games for your soul? Probably not... aside from the 40 AMVs I included in this review with Yu-Gi-Oh footage. I always loved this album despite having not watched the movie until years later. The movie sucked but the show was good.
As an aside, I highly recommend Yu-Gi-Oh: Stairway to the Destined Duel for Gameboy Advance. It's just Yu-Gi-Oh. No RPG elements. No gimmicks. It's just the card game and it's fantastic.