Stop Being Fat

Date Posted: October 2nd, 2021

People are upset because #StopBeingFat is trending on the computer.

Yeah. It's now... and holy fucking shit, I can't believe I have to type this nonsense... "fatphobic" to say that being a big, gross, disgusting, smelly, fat fucking pig is a negative.

Look. I am openly fatphobic. I grew up watching my grandmother destroy herself, stuffing her fucking face every day until she was easily 300 pounds. Going in-and-out of the hospital repeatedly. Allowing yourself to become overweight is a sign of weakness, and I cannot support any form of weakness. It's no coincidence that overweight girls often act like children, because you have to have a selfish child's mindset to believe that all of your indulgences need to be acted upon.

Look. I'm no model or picture of health. I'm the way I am today because I was the dumpy idiot who got brought to McDonald's after school on an overly regular basis because it was cheap and easy, and my family didn't want me to die (due to the legality involved) but also didn't want to waste their time in making sure I had a diet worth a fuck. Boomers and Gen X did a real shit job of raising their kids, and now we're entering the era of millennials having children and they're too busy stuffing cucumbers up their ass on OnlyFans or livestreaming the latest FPS game on Twitch instead of working a real job because people want to remain simultaneously untalented but have all the luxuries of people who were willing to put in the work for their dreams. It's the same mentality of "I bought the video game, I should be allowed to beat it!" It's why games aren't hard anymore. Fuck. Where's my NES? I need to get my ass kicked.

I saw a statistic that said 66% of Americans are overweight, and the person who posted that stat was using it as a defensive to say "this is why you shouldn't say these things!" But no. Fuck you, you bloated whale. That's exactly why you should say these things. That is an unforgivable statistic.

If my weight goes above 140lbs I get legitimately angry at myself and take the steps necessary to dial it back. For fuck sake, I went on keto so intensely for a period that I dropped down to like 120 in a matter of like two weeks. That's how seriously I take this shit.

(I also filmed my bits for Ego Death around this time too!

My skirt was literally falling off of me and my underwear was stretched out to fit my old body weight so everything fit my body all weird. You know why? Because I lost a ton of weight and didn't update my wardrobe accordingly. That's some grungy hot girl shit. Fuck off.

That episode was actually about the raCcoOnTV-version of Majin Tween (who is a Staticbender) wanting to commit suicide because The Joker said she wasn't funny, which put the entire universe in peril because, as we all know, Staticbenders (such as my character or Schizomoko) control The Static with their minds, thus the universe (which in kayfabe had learned that they lived inside a TV-based Matrix-like simulation following the events of Sticks and Stones when one of the Olsen Twins (who are the chaos goddesses of the universe) fell off a horse, got head trauma and totally fucked up the entire timeline. DJ Tanner was the first to notice things were wrong in this world, word spread, etc.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Fat people are terrible.

I'm of the belief that if you are overweight and happy with that, you should probably just die. We need a cute society of skinny and/or muscular people with great personalities because we're about to head into a time where jobs don't really exist anymore due to outsourcing everything to robots, and the fact that everyone is so content being fat and gross while they already work 40+ hours a week just means they're gonna get even nastier once the government starts paying them to sit at home diddling their clits and eating whatever god awful garbage they waste their money on.

Not to say curvy women can't be beautiful. I see them doll themselves up for photos and stuff, put on some cute lingerie or whatever. But you just know that beef crevice between their legs smells like hot fucking hell. I have never met a fat person who I walked away from and thought "man. They seem like they really got their shit together." Because if they did they wouldn't be fat in the first place.

B-but muh genetics!

Bitch. I've got some real fat motherfuckers in my awful bloodline. That is no excuse. Put in the work you lazy, entitled piece of shit. Stop taking up multiple seats on the bus.