Miley's New Hair

Date Posted: September 1st, 2021

So many of you have come to know me as a speaker of truth. I've called out politicians, public figures, whatever. Whoever I think is being a shithead, I tend to call it out because ain't nobody on the internet realer than the 3D anime girl with an Angelfire-style website.

The point is: when I speak, you know it's the truth. That I mean every word. That is why I am here to tell you today that Miley Cyrus is the cutest bitch I've seen all day.

I've been a Miley Cyrus fan for as long as she's been truckin' around. I never liked the Hannah Montana TV series, but I liked the songs and her gimmick, so I was a fan. I even made her be the mascot for the original version of the webzine on Neocities, I buy up whatever Hannah/Miley merch I find in thrift stores, etc.

But my fandom took a weird turn. She put out an entire album I didn't like, but she had a new look with short blonde hair.

I thought to myself, "are you really going to stand by one of your teenage favorites, even though her music isn't for you anymore? Just because she's got a hotter haircut and is acting like a whore?"

"Silly me.", I chortled. "Of course I am. I'm vapid."

Plus, there were remixes of her songs that I was into.

Anyway. I still rock with Miley. She's the only modern pop idol I'm into at all. I like some of her songs that have come out, including her live covers of rock songs. It's good times.

But, as the kids say: IT'S A NEW ERA, MAGGLE. Because Miley has a new hairstyle and it LOOKS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG.

All of this has made me realize that if the original humanRaCcoOn mascot can keep going and thriving even though the world is made of mashed potatoes and sadness, then damn it: so can I! Even if I make a website nobody reads, or a show nobody watches, or a radio show nobody listens to. Fuck it! Create for creation sake! Nobody's applauding Miley. Nobody even knows who she is. We are the same. I got this!

Miley and I are teaming up to help both define what entertainment in the 2020s is meant to be! I'm not a failure. You're a failure. Shut up.