Idiot Former Baby Sues Band That Doesn't Exist Anymore

Date Posted: August 25th, 2021

My sinuses feel like when you've been submerged in water. Or when you've snorted drugs.

I've done neither.

Well I mean I've done both but I mean not today.

Speaking of water, let's talk about Nevermind. The album!

You probably remember Nirvana. They were a band that existed and made music, much like other bands.

I mean, I don't remember them because they were done by the time I was forming memories but I've heard their music and it's very angsty and full of the guitar riffs that go DUGGAGADUDGUAGAGUAGA. So that's cool. I do like guitar riffs that go DUDGADHGLKASDGKLSGJG while a grown man whines about uh... fetuses and swap meets or whatever.

The fuck was that guy ever talking about anyway?

Anyway. The difference between Nirvana and other bands is their big album had a baby's penis on the cover.

You don't get that with other bands.

So load up on baby penis and bring your friends, because the baby himself is now suing the band for "child exploitation."

Yes, the douchebag who has been exploiting the fact that he was the baby chasing a dollar in an album cover is now... chasing a dollar. Irony.

Yeah, despite using it as his only claim to anything relating to fame is now suddenly not okay with it. Probably because people stopped giving a fuck like, shortly after the album came out and the next big thing came along. Because that's how this works.

Keep in mind this is the dude who literally recreated the album cover and has been whoring himself out to media outlets begging for attention every five seconds over his minor contribution to entertainment.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

"I hate babies."

Me too. It would have been better if he drowned like BEN or something. At least then I wouldn't be having to see a band that hasn't released a new album in 28 years trending on Twitter. I'm not sure if this is worse than selling Kurt Cobain's hair online but it's at least in the semi-same realm of tastelessness.

If anybody should be getting sued for exploitation, it's this dildo.

Besides, you're not suing the band. You're suing the lizards in suits who signed them to contracts and have been profiting off the lead singer's death since April 5th, 1994. Which, in itself, I can get behind. Fuck corporate america. But it's still fucking retarded that you were so eager to use your minor claim to fame to scrape any little crusty bit of attention off of this and now that you realize people see through your facade and see you for the money grubbing carny succubus you are, you decide to change your tune and try to kickflip into some cancel culture bullshit. You're a douchebag. You know you're wrong. The wrong dude on this album killed himself. Fuck off.

If seeing a naked baby gives you confused sexual thoughts, you're probably a pedophile virtue signaling to throw scent on the trail. If you can't look at a child without freaking out and being like "HURRRR CUM!?" then you're a problem. You're just like Jared from Subway minus the delicious five dollar footlongs now available at select locations.

What I'm saying is, I don't know what this guy's name is. I've read it before and I forgot because he's not important enough for me to waste brain space on him. However, I think he's a pile of human garbage who should have his hard drives checked. I think he's a scumbag and possibly one of the worst kinds of monsters you can be. Look into it.

Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.