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Did Kevin Spacey Just Kill a Dude?


Date: December 26th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween

Merry Christmas! Kevin Spacey possibly killed a dude.


Alright, now look. I realize that writing this is probably going to age like milk once all the details come out, but holy fuck. On December 24th, Spacey uploaded a video where he appeared as his character from House of Cards. I've never seen that show, but let's take a look.

"It’s been a pretty good year and I’m grateful to have my health back and in light of that I’ve made some changes in my life and I’d like to invite you to join me. As we walk into 2020 I want to cast my vote for more good in this world. Ah yes, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Could he be serious?’ I’m dead serious and it’s not that hard. Trust me. The next time someone does something you don’t like you can go on the attack but you can also hold your fire and do the unexpected, you can... kill them with kindness."

Yeah. Seems like some in-character batshittery. Nothing wrong here. Except for the fact that on the very next day, one of Spacey's accusers has been found dead.

Now, it was an apparent suicide. That's the word on the street. But maybe that's what Little Kevie Space Space did. Maybe this guy was so upset that the guy who grabbed his balls once wasn't running around acting like an asshole about it that he decided to drop a toaster in his bathtub. I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

But what I do know?

I wouldn't fuck with Kevin Spacey: genital touching psychopath.

(1/13/2020) UPDATE: Two more of his accusers have died. I'm not kidding. Seriously. This is fucking happening.