Blue's Clues Steve Returns

Date Posted: September 14th, 2021

So my stepdad finally came back into my life. The man who raised me while my mom sucked off losers and did bong rips.

That's right. Steve from Blue's Clues is in the house.

Growing up, I had Blue's Clues everything: Toys, tapes, hallucinations that household objects were talking to me.

I was living the Blue's Clues life, yo.

But something odd happened when Steve returned to the world to bestow his big, swole, blue dick in front of the class:

I realized how absolutely broken society is right now.

Yeah. People said they cried over this.

Really?

That's fucking pathetic.

Like, "oh thank you glorious TV man for showing up after abandoning us for college." You're no better than when someone's dad says they're going to go get milk and then never come back. But everyone just acts like this is the shit. Like you didn't leave us with Joe. Fuck Joe. Joe sucks. I hate Joe.

Joe farts in a jar and chugs it. He's a bitch. I hate him.

But this really is an example of how broken people are today. It comes from not being raised by their parents and being stuck in front of the TV their whole life just sippin' a juice box while their mom smokes weed and blows strangers. They grow up putting merit into TV personalities and never actually grow up. So many people are stuck in the mindset they were in when they were five, which is why they use terms like "adulting."

I bet some people probably reacted to it like "I really needed this."

Yuck.

She's probably right. God, people are so broken. Like, THIS is what got you through the day? A half-assed video of a guy who used to be on TV when you were a kid saying "hey remember the show I was on? Anyway you look nice. Bye."

Come on guys. Get a clue. You don't need others to pull you up. You gotta pull yourself up. Like when you wore pull-ups and shit your pants while you were sleeping. You did that when you were five too. You wanna regress to that state?

...oh, you do? You have a diaper fetish? That's pretty gross.

THAT'S KINKSHAMING!

I don't care. That's gross.

You're gross.

God I just went back and watched 1996-era Blue's Clues stuff and it's hurting my feelings on a fundmental level I'm sorry Steve I love you thank you so much I had all the toys I wen tto ssee blues lbksclues live and i aondered whe you wylkwerent therer i'm fcukagin cryinzsdfh