Date Posted: October 7th, 2021

You know when you check in on the wrestling community, and the entire circle is chatting about "Tiny Dick Smasher" that it's gonna be an absolutely magical, fantastical good day.

Yeah. You know that "Down The Rabbithole" show, where they talk about those horrific stories about people who basically shove a stick in their own bicycle wheel and then go "who did that!?" That's basically what this is, on a smaller scale. But I know you guys have as fucked up a sense of humor as I do, so there's no way I couldn't share this story from one of my community circles online.

So here's the deal. This charming young fellow named marveljw90 (gotta credit the star of the show!) was popping off at wrestlers on Twitter and making fun of them, to which his mistress tinydicksmasher chimed in and put him in his place.

Through the thread that this all went down on, I saw this man's tiny little penis. And his balls. And his driver's license. And his real name. I probably know more about him than I know about myself at this point.

Now, don't get it twisted. I'm not here to kinkshame. The only norm I support is Macdonald. But this is a fascinating tale of a man who apparently had everything to lose, hanging on by a thread being publicly watched and still decided to lash out like an autistic chimpanzee. I'm captivated by his audacity and seeming lack of ability to learn from his mistakes.

And also, his penis looks like an acorn. No, I'm not including a picture of it here.

This dude clearly wanted this to happen. There's a literal picture of his driver's license next to his Super Mario Toad looking penis for fuck sake. He wanted to be humiliated online, and I find that utterly fascinating. The psyche behind that. I get flustered when I troll someone successfully and they don't realize I'm kidding. This dude's just like "how do I ruin my life!? It's the only way I can cum!" Utterly fascinating. The human mind is an enigma.

But what about our hero of the day: tinydicksmasher? Who is this wonderful human being?

I decided to dive in and try to learn something about my new favorite person.

Damn. She's just like me. She humiliates little dick white bois, and I write reviews of Jem and the Holograms. It's like poetry. It rhymes. But folks, the more I scroll her feed, the more I see men's penises in little metal contraptions and ladies sucking penises and such. This isn't the neighborhood I thought I was driving into. My feed on Twitter is usually old Geocities screenshots and pro wrestling GIFs. So this is a brave, new world to explore. I dunno anything about this "having sex" business.

I mean, from a male perspective, I have to assume that getting roasted by random women online and sending them pictures of your flacid penis with a smiley face sharpied onto it (which is actually something I saw on her feed) is just the cat's pajamas and that you gotta do it. It's the only way. Otherwise, why in the fuck would you engage in it using your real name and information? Is the internet making it so this is the only way dudes can cum now? Is lesbianism on the rise so hard that gross white dudes can't get pussy anymore? Did my wish on a shooting star come true?

Many legends have filtered through these golden hallways of humanRaCcoOn: from the Donut Man to the Olsen Twins. It's a prestigious community we're building here, and I'm honored to welcome the lovely and beautiful tinydicksmasher into the family.

May you smash more tiny penises in the future, queen.