Tales From The Maid Cafe:
Being An Anachronism

Date: 2019

You ever find yourself in an awkward position?

...wow, that's so fucking vague. What a stupid way to start a story. The fuck.

They always say "you gotta grip 'em in the first sentence." and I'm pretty sure I fucked it up. God damn it.

Anyway. During my time at the File City Maid Cafe, I'd often find myself alone for hours with different people I had nothing in common with as they tried to small talk and carry on conversations with me about shit I'd never heard of.

The worst of this was probably when I was helping The Chihuahua get everything set up for the day one morning, and she was trying to appeal to what she thought I was into, constantly bringing up stuff that was popular at the time and then when I didn't know what she was talking about, she'd give me a weird look and make a noise like "chyyooo..sheit." or whatever.

There was a time she mentioned some piece of food looked like "blah blah from Beeg Hero Seekz." I was like "yeah?" because I had no point of reference to know what Beeg Hero Seekz was, which she caught onto and she's like "jyoo know. Beeg Hero Seekz... you know it, right?"

I was like "oh. No."

Then there was an awkward silence.

Follow up with "...you don't know what you're missing!" I hear that one a lot.

Rinse and repeat. This happens all the time. It's like being an alien or something, and it really makes you realize how many people's entire personalities and social crutches are based on entertainment and modern pop culture.

There was this boy who had a crush on me who used to talk about like martial arts and stuff all the time, got to know my music preferences from me playing my MP3 player out a speaker in the back, and asked what "my favorite apps" are. At the time, I didn't have a cellphone. (I only got one this year), so I said "oh I don't know, I don't have a smart phone."

He looked at me like I was an unhinged lunatic and said "...you just live in the 90s, don't you?"

So yeah. Being so out of the "modern flavor" or whatever makes me a novelty like Weird Al or whatever, but it comes with it's own set of real life issues. You should hear the reactions I get sometimes when people find out I don't have Netflix or Spotify. They act like I'm Amish or something. Then when I explain "well I torrent stuff, watch old tapes and listen to mp3s, tapes and CDs." suddenly I become a magical wizard.

So yeah, I do quite literally live in a bubble that's Y2K evolved or whatever, but my bubble should never be popped. It's getting ridiculous.

Do you realize how much happier everyone would be if they just liked the things I like instead.