Raccoonomicon:

Christmas 2020

  • Date: December 27th, 2020

This entry is a little delayed, due to trying feverishly to get episode #33 done before December was over. I literally started on Christmas, so hopefully you dug it and thought it was a cool re-entry for Human Raccoon following my god awful series of unfortuante ailments.

(Which might include COVID-19--- my lungs have been fucked for like two weeks.)

My Christmas gifts were kind of scattered throughout December because everything in my life is non-traditional. I got a new computer monitor (it's fucking huge), a new computer to go with it (it can emulate PS2!), a Samsung Galaxy S4 and there's an Everdrive 64 on it's way here too.

I know what you're thinking. "Wait, you backstabbing whore! You've always been vocally anti-smartphone. Now you have one? You hypocrite."

And you're nearly right. I've been anti-iPhone mostly, due to the massive security flaws and fact that apps turn on your microphone and camera without your consent and collect data.

But I've got Cyanogenmod on this thing, so it's rooted in lots of security shit to make sure no apps can do any of that stuff, I've got an antivirus, etc. It's more like a pocket computer... EXCEPT IT'S PINK AND TOTALLY CUTE.

I've got Windows 98 on it. It emulates N64 and PS1 games, and I can use my PS3 controller with it. I was playing Perfect Dark in the back of a car! It was awesome!

Aside from that, this month hasn't been that great either. It's been me mostly being upset that I got so many different kinds of sick in a row, which halted my progress on this site right when I really wanted to start going ape shit on here. Which, now that I'm better, I can focus on. I'm fucking so stoked.

But this entry isn't just to flex that I've got the cutest little pink pocket N64 ever (that I mostly just play online Uno on). I'm also telling a fun story about my bosses fucking with me, because those are always a hoot.

I probably shouldn't be actually working with the public at all. I am a walking social dysfunction, and I have to talk to hundreds of normies throughout the week. It's genuinely exhausting. I don't even hate people, I just really hate being in public.

So here I am. Doing everything I can. Holding on to what I am. Pretending I'm not an anxiety ridden awko-taco and only took the job because I'm not yet hilarious enough to not have to have disease-ridden normies sneezing in my mouth on a daily basis and getting me sick all the time.

Seriously. I used to never get sick. Now I get sick all the fucking time.

Fucking lepers.

Anyway.

There was a 68 year old homeless man in a wheelchair who was begging people in the restaurant to "make a phone call" so he can have a place to stay, as it was Walrus Cove levels of cold outside and it was pouring rain. His wheelchair was covered in sopping wet blankets that he had no way of charging, and he'd occasionally just start wailing randomly like a scared child for seemingly no reason.

I tried to help him out. I gave him the hoodie I had with me, I hooked up an extension cord so he could charge his wheelchair, I gave him some food and a bag of plastic silverware/napkins/ziplocs/whatever I could find that I thought might be useful for him. Then I scoped out an empty hallway in a nearby building that wasn't locked, and I told him he could park there for warmth but he'd have to come out of there to charge his chair, as I couldn't get the cable even nearly far enough to reach that far.

I wasn't going to share that story on here, just because it's like... who gives a shit? This is what every person should be doing.

We shouldn't even have homeless people with how many empty homes there are, plus all the space they could be building shelters and shit.

The reason I'm sharing this story is because of what happened afterwards. See, apparently when the little Chihahua goblin manager found the cable poking out through the door the next morning, she wrote me up with a warning (like you'd give an 8th grader who skips class). Here's the thing: you're supposed to sign those to verify that you've been talked to about it, that you understand what you did was wrong, whatever. But I was never shown this slip, I was merely told it happened by someone else who was there.

On top of that, they gave me 6 straight days off as punishment... for trying to make sure a nearly-70 year old homeless man didn't get hypothermia and die.

The only reason I'm not upset right now is because this other girl was so annoyed that they pulled this on me that she gave me some of her shifts during that span of time.

It was kind of adorable. She was like "pick two days you're not working and I am, and you can come in instead of me."

To which I picked the days that wouldn't interfere with my regularly scheduled partying.

Isn't that amazing though? Getting in trouble for doing the right thing?

I thought if you did the right thing, it would make everyone happy.