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I Hate the Elderly

Raccoonomicon ยป The File City Era :: Date: September 3rd, 2019


While I was at work, this cute milf I work with grabbed my glass of root beer and took a drink of it. She pauses, realizes it wasn't her drink and goes "...that was yours, wasn't it?"

I said "yeah."


I just shrugged and said "I dunno, I thought you knew something I didn't.


I absolutely fucking loathe and detest the elderly.

Not all of them. If you're above the age of 60 and you're holding your shit together, good for you. Keep on rockin'. I'm talking about these decrepit flesh raisins who stagger around unable to walk or think, getting in the way of all the people with functioning brains and bodies.

I see it all the time. These fucking old people walk into a restaurant and look around like they just boarded an alien space ship and have never seen anything like this before in their life. It's fucking annoying to look at.

Then when you actually have to talk to these fucking creatures, it's like they lose interest in everything you're saying while you're talking to them. It's not just when they're so old that their ears quit working. That's annoying in itself, but it's when they're staring right at you and you ask them a question and they go "...i'm sorry, what?" They're just not fucking listening. I'M A WAITRESS. I'M TAKING YOUR ORDER. AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME.

Some of these decrepit fuckers walk around thinking they own the world and can treat everyone like shit because nobody will call them out on it.

The other day I'm helping some old couple, I get them their food and this old fuck goes "Y'ever get sick of having all that crap on your face?"


I don't even wear that much makeup. This guy's a complete sack of scrotums. I said "No. Do you?" and he goes "YES!" He thought I was asking his opinion on my makeup, but it was actually about the boils on his face.

I'll punt you down a flight of stairs you old fuck. Don't tempt me.

I'm sick of these lonely old women who were told her entire life that they're to be validated by relationships and having children, and now that all of their children are grown up they clings onto their grandchildren and great grandchildren for dear life. You're parasites and everyone in your life is waiting for you to die.

Speaking of dying, how long is the progress of this country going to be held back by these old fuckers and their ideals? What's worse is they end up poisoning the minds of the youth and getting young people who think like they do. Like, how the fuck do we still have issues with bigotry among young people? Who gives a fuck what race, sexuality, identity or whatever anyone is? Just be a decent person for Christ sake.

This annoying bitch I work with saw a 16 year old girl wearing a sports bra, and as soon as they left she turns to me and goes "I'd never let my 16 year old leave the house dressed like that."

I said "That's weird. I wouldn't let my daughter leave the house unless she was dressed like a slut. I'm trying to keep a tradition going."

She hates me.


I wrote an article about Skannerz for Nostalgia Freaks, which you can read here. Because if my workload wasn't already huge enough, now I'm contributing to other webzines besides my own.

I've really been working hard lately trying to get all kinds of cool new shit done for this site. I've been getting very minimal sleep to do so, which has resulted in me becoming slighly unhinged and delusional. I actually put toothpaste on my leg razor and almost brushed my teeth with it. That would have been a disaster if I hadn't caught that at the last minute.

Putting in so much work and not seeing immediate success can be a tad on the depressing side, but I try to think about Eminem's song Pooh Butt Day and realize that nobody ever gave a fuck about it, and that success for myself and this webzine could be right around Pooh Butt Corner. Y'never know.

But fuck that noise, it's time for reader mail.


Jeremiah C.

It's hard to explain, but you've been an inspiration for a few years now. I've gotten rid of Twitter, but I still check out your posts there and on this site, and use you as an example when I tell the youngsters at work what the old internet was like. It's cool to see people out there like me who still want VHS, or like old school stuff. I see no reason to just leave that all behind, because it's [current year]. You're an awesome person.

Well thank you. I appreciate the kind words and that my total out-of-touchness could somehow positively affect somebody.

I don't really consider it that outlandish. I just don't really like the modern flavor of anything and prefer older stuff. I know that to people who are indoctrinated into millennial culture that seems very bold but to me it's just living day to day.



come here 'bout every other day or so to check for updates. 9/10 experience, point deducted for too many blondes

First of all, how dare you. Blondes have more fun. I read that on a t-shirt once that was very stretched out from some big boobs.

I don't actively have a thing for blondes, it just turns out that a lot of girls that I deem important have blonde hair. That being said, here's Julie Brown being a petty bitch.



Too much wrestling in my opinion, but still a good site nonetheless. Always enjoy checking back often to see what's been updated. Keep up the good work.

What the fuck gives with all these criticisms? Too many blondes. Too much wrestling. You know what? This is bullshit. Just to show that you people don't run my life, I'm going to include blondes wrestling.

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