Slut Mansion

Date: November 18th, 2021

Let's be honest, folks. My Goku journey isn't going so great. I'm not a pop culture icon yet for whatever reason, and I gotta start playing into today's culture to adapt and market myself to the marks out there. Gotta get myself over.

So I went off on a rant on here a while back about OnlyFans where I mocked girls openly for taking sexy pics of themselves, but that was just me being bitter and jealous that they have it so easy and I'm here trying to convey the complex nature of my schizo brain in various ways nobody understands because it's never been done before. Being ahead of your time sucks. So fuck it. I'm giving up this whole "integrity" nonsense and I'm gonna start my own OnlyFans-like substance on humanRaCcoOn.

Gotta go full fan service for all you neckbeards out there.

So I headed down to Slut Mansion, the place where all the OnlyFans girls live. This is the fabled building where all the sluts slut around with their big boobs and their Instagram accounts or whatever. I felt like an awko taco, folks. But I gotta whore it up. That made people like Christina Aguilera, I'm at least at good at comedy as she is. But I got attacked by a team of alcoholic dominatrixes who stole my robe and skipped off, cackling like a bunch of witches and cracking dyke butts with whipses. Is this what happens to everyone on OnlyFans?

While I was walking around trying to figure out where the root beer was, I wound up finding a ghost couple making out. That's pretty cool. Ghosts are pretty rad. Sometimes they give you superpowers or tragic anime backstories or whatever. In Mario Party they let you steal stuff from people, so that's cool. Stealing stuff is cool. I've stolen everything I've ever seen.

But then I saw it: my first slut.

Good lord. Look at her over there. Sluttin' about. Smellin' good. This is positive energy we need in these trying times.

I realized, "hey man. I got this. I look mentally stable and hot. I can do the fan service gimmick for all these incel virgins.

They'll love it and give me five dollars."

And then, once I tap into their little meme brains, I'll become the main character of the anime called life and begin my super evil world domination plot. I'll become the voice of a generation and America's sweetheart, just like Avril Lavigne. I got this shit all figured out. I'm a genius.

I just gotta do like... model stuff. Stuff chicks to do be hot. I know all about how to be a hot chick. I look at them all the time!

They like... uh... they lay back and stuff, right? That's a thing.

Yeah. They like it when a bitch lays down. They're like, "oh shit. That bitch is laying down." and then they give her five dollars.

Wait... people are gonna get the wrong idea. They're gonna think I'm a hooker or somethin'. Fuck. I've never even touched a butt before. I'm ruining my iconic image. This is like if Mickey Mouse got busted smoking crack. How am I supposed to become a household name like Mario pulling shit like this? I fucked up. Fuck. I gotta get out of Slut Mansion.

...once my mom comes to pick me up. >_>
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