Winco Foods

Date: 1999

Winco Foods is a holy ground in this epic journey I've been taking my whole life. I used to go there and look at the candy and not get to have any. It was a great time.

All my homies went to Winco Foods. Friendships restablished at the Winco Foods. Winco Foods. WINCO FOODS.

I used to walk around this bitch, running my finger along the cold of the metal rim, all steppy step and shit.

No, wait. Fuck that. We have technology now.

That's the spice.

So yeah. Before I steppy step'd behind Dr. Girlfriend at the store, I'd steppy step behind my mom at the store. I'd vibe pretty hard in this store.

Say "store" again.

I'm gonna store my foot in your ass. Shut up.

Anyway. You could say Winco Foods is my old stompin' grounds. Lots of memories. Walking through the cereal aisle, walking through the dairy isle. So many big events have taken place in this fabled story I've been crafting through my experiences.

Mothafuckin' Wincooooooo!

Anyway. My mom was kind of an angry lizard goblin. She used to wear a t-shirt that said "PEOPLE SUCK", and she had a thing about grocery stores. Whenever too many people started to dogpile into an aisle to go shopping for food, she'd get all pissy and like, dramatically slide the shopping card to the side of the aisle so it made that horrible tire screech sound. Then she'd be standing there all huffing and puffing, as if everyone around her should feel ashamed that they were shopping at the same time her holyness got the monthly food stamps.

This happened all the time in different places, and one guy finally decided to say something about it.

He was this dude who just looked at her and said in a voice that was kinda Chris Tuckerish, "man. You a bitch!"

They spent a solid ten minutes just screaming at each other back and forth in the refrigerated food section, before my mom finally broke away from him and huffed and puffed down a different aisle. Our day continued, and she kept just randomly bitching about this dude. He had rented space in her head for free. I'm jealous of this man's power, since she never thought about me once! Badumtsh! Haha. /wrists

Oh no, this entry is getting too early-2000s goth girl blog. I can't make it all depressing like that. So let's fast forward to the end of our shopping adventure where the fun was happening. So at this point I'm in the lobby with her trying to win a stuffed animal out of the Toy Shoppe crane game.

I'm staring into the glass, rooting on her efforts, when who shows up? That's right. Winco Man.

He comes out pushing a shopping cart and goes "Oh look at this! It's the bitch again!" She screamed back "MY FUCKIN' KID IS RIGHT HERE." They went back and forth endlessly. It was fucking bizarre.

Like, just imagine standing there when you're like two-foot-who-gives-a-shit and you're just watching your white trash ancestor screaming until her face is red at some mouthy stoner at a grocery store for poor people. Like, are you shitting me? Who give a fuck what this NPC thinks, you fucking drip. After another solid ten minutes of them screaming at each other, my mom started to cry and dragged me out to her car to drive home, and that guy came back up in conversation like 80 times in the span of a week.

The moral of this story is to harass bipolar single moms while they're in the middle of having a hissy fit. It's always good and helps the child too!
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