Jim Ross isn't available right now. He's off getting chemotherapy treatments for his skin cancer and all that fun stuff. But it's not all bad. At least they're letting him skip work. I'm jealous.
Bryan Danielson is taking on Alan "V" Angels, aka "the little guy in the mask but without the mask because idk whatever i guess." This is Alan's hometown, so naturally Bryan wants to kick his shit into the tip of his penis at full force.
MJF comes out looking like Jew Central, wearing a suit covered in Jewish stuff. Naturally, he's the heel. So MJF is ripping on CM Punk for seeming tired and sloppy in the ring against the rookie Lee Morirorirori. But CM Punk doesn't look a day over dead.
...is that a Jerry Lawler line?
For some reason the MJF/CM Punk rivalry has become about having sex with Britt Baker and MJF threatening to kill Punk's dog.
Adam Cole makes a grand entrance just to roll out of the ring, walk up the ramp and walk all the way back up the entrance ramp. Then he puts on a headset and yells at Tony Schiavonne, then Orange Cassidy walks out and looks at him, and then Adam Cole says "DON'T FUCKING STARE AT ME!" and they start a big faction war.
That is a 100% picture perfect description of how that entire thing went down. It was fucking weird.
Darby's got his entire face painted like Sting. He always said that the half-paint was because he feels half-dead, so now I guess he feels all the way dead. Very, very dead. Probably as dead as Sting felt when Seth Rollins yeeted him into early retirement.
The notable moment from this show was Cody Rhodes hitting a guy with a golden shovel, because SELF AWARE KAYFABE SHATTERING JOKES FTW!
Wait, I can't say FTW. I'll get Taz trying to sue me.
Yeah. Watch that.
Wait! FUCK. That text came out orange. Shit. Not for nothin', he's gonna own this whole place.
Probably rename it to Yambag Raccoon and fill it with videos of him singing wrestling music poorly.
...oh yeah, and there was a flaming table spot where Cody Rhodes lit himself on fire and spazzed around on the floor for a while.
So that's fun.
This was a pretty fun show. They're really starting to nail having all the characters feel like characters. Pro wrestling is supposed to be real life Street Fighter, and I feel like we're finally returning to tradition. Good chit.
...plus, I saw a man light himself on fire just to try to gain the approval of snobby neckbeards. That's hilarious.