The First Dance

Posted: August 22nd, 2021

Last night, I watched AEW Rampage. "The First Dance." I tried really hard to do my usual shtick of making fun of the show, pulling out jokes about the characters on it. Whatever. But nothing really came out of me because I was really honestly just enjoying myself so much that I had nothing funny to say.

So, because that was no typical episode of All Elite Wrestling, this won't be a typical Smarkitude entry. Instead, I wanna tell the story of CM Punk through my own eyes and explain why he's one of my favorites of all time.

This story starts in WWE. I've never been a fan of independent wrestling. I like wacky cartoony characters and chaotic storylines, which indy wrestling is usually lacking in. I do like some current indy guys like Danhausen and Warhorse. But that's because they've got fun characters going for them. When it's just "guys in tights wrestling each other because it's a wrestling show", that's kinda weak to me. So I never got into it. I didn't watch Ring of Honor during Punk's time there. So my introduction to him was when he first appeared on the ECW reboot that WWE was putting together.

Now, I did watch a little ECW back in the day. I caught a few episodes during their TNN run, since before that I had no way of ever seeing any of it. I was living in Washington, we didn't get Philly/New York local TV obviously. So it wasn't on my radar outside of the few times they'd get crossover on WWF. Point is, I watched CM Punk's ECW debut live and I thought he was really cool.

I know I have a bit of a reputation among humanRaCcoOn readers as being some sort of unhinged drug fiend. Truth be told, I didn't have my first sip of alcohol until I was 19, didn't smoke weed until I was like 22 and only got into acid and DXM about a year ago. (did 2CI before I did acid, and made the first Void of Friendlessnes on it.) But I've always really respected non-preachy straight edge people. I think if you're fortunate enough to be able to live in your own head without the aid of drugs or alcohol, that's really cool. I respect that a lot. I couldn't even say I was straight edge when I was five since my mom would fill a shot glass with cough syrup and tell me to chug it any time I started to cough a little bit. I've seen some crazy shit. Animal heads mounted on walls looking at me and grimacing, saw the grim reaper once. I'm not even schizophrenic. That's just how good DXM is when you're a child. God I love drugs.

I mean, for fuck sake. The Smarkitude logo, which I created back in 2011, is a parody of Punk's Straight Edge Society logo.

So I became a big fan and got to the point where he was one of the few guys I looked forward to seeing every week. Fast forward to DAT PIPEBOMB he dropped where he said what fans everywhere were thinking for years because WWE had become such stale fuck that everyone was sick of it. And that was TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO and nothing has changed.

The point is, CM Punk fucking rules. One of the best on the mic ever, legit funny dude, and I even have gone back and watched nearly all of his indy stuff just because I'm such a fan.

Think I'm lying? Look in my eyes and tell me what you see.

A lack of personality.

Ay FUCK YOU, MANG.

Anyway, I don't really remember what else happened on this show. So here's CM Punk's hilarious Tony Atlas story.