AEW Homecoming

Posted: August 5th, 2021

Tonight is AEW Homecoming, which you can watch while you're at home cumming.

That was gross. I'm sorry.

The show has returned to Daily's Place, which we were at like five minutes ago. This post COVID shit hasn't been that long.

This is my first AEW review for humanRaCcoOn Presents: Smarkitude (TM) (not really), but I've seen every show since the beginning. I think I said that in the blip about the Nick Gage match. I dunno. My memory sucks. Everyone knows it. All the homies are like "haha watch this" before gaslighting me. It rules.

Chris Jericho is in the hizzouse as the crowd is singing Judas... which is weird, because I don't see a basketball anywhere. Or Schizomoko. Or John Ritter. But then again, all I know is my own mythos, fine dining and breathing.

We're getting Juventud Guerrera taking on Chris Jericho, just like on that other TNT wrestling show. It's tradition, bitch. Suck a fuck.

I don't have any jokes about this match. It was just fun. DOES ANYONE REMEMBER FUN!? Like, the band? They were big for a minute.

A couple local enhancement talents call out Jon Moxley, Eddie Kingston and Darby Allin. What could possibly go wrong?

(Everything went wrong.)

This match was oddly competitive when you'd think it should just be the three ROHcore gimmickless wonders getting the fuck beaten out of them relentlessly. But they still didn't win, which proves that they aren't as good at the wrestle as the other guys who do the wrestle. Really makes you think.

I take back what I said about no basketball on the show. The Elite are fucking around with their balls and talking about how cool they are.

JUDAS IN MY MIND.

But now it's time for Christian "I Left My Personality In TNA" Cage to take on Butcher "BDSM Chef" Butcher. I don't think he has a last name.

And I passed out in my chair, too. Because of course I did.

Not because the show wasn't good, I'm just really exhausted from being an e-girl with no redeeming qualities.