Written by: Raccoon
Despite my massive G4TV archive, early Attack of the Show is rare. It's like finding a unicorn blowing Bigfoot in the middle of Narnia next to Jimmy Hoffa's rotting corpse. But I have a few, so we'll kick off with the very first episode ever!
Update: I have been informed that this isn't the first episode. I don't know shit.
This came off the heels of the death of the Screensavers, a terrible show for nerds.
This show was cool because it's red, and red is cool.
Sarah Lane is here, looking cute as a box of kittens. It's always refreshing to see a woman who's not a retard.
This article was written by a woman. And a retard.
They've already made a joke about Leo Laporte getting fired from the show, which I'm sure will go over like a fart in church. That dude's a walking tampon drip.
But stick a dick in your ear and fuck what you heard: it's time for CGI titty mousepads.
We then discuss how a bunch of nerds made a version of Tetris that plays itself infinitely. That's cool. But you know what's cooler? The hidden developer notes in The New Tetris on Nintendo 64.
Go read that shit. It's amazing.
They also discuss the launch of Google Maps. To think, there was a time where I couldn't look at the streets of places I used to live and wretch in disgust at what pathetic white trash I am. Thanks, Google!
Another website shows people when they were kids vs. when they were adults. It makes me want to reminisce about when I was a child...
What a worthless baby I was. Look how breakable my legs were. Not compared to my Tekken Tag-Tournament thighs of today.
As we transition into talking about Alienware computers, I remember how cool I thought they were. I never had one, but aliens are fucking cool and I'm a dumb whore so I totally thought shit was on the legit side.
They're talking about the tech specs and I don't understand a word they're saying. Can I look at butts on this thing or what?
But Morgan Webb made her own Alienware computer and it is a fucking abomination of Christ.
The keyboard is velcro'd to the side.
Morgan says "I could lick it", then says "I'm not that kind of girl."
Yes you are. Shut up and lick my computer.
Kevin later admits to liking Virtua Tennis. I've never played it, but judging by Morgan's reaction, I'd say he's wrong. I believe Morgan because I find her attractive.
Now we get into viewer questions, which I will personally try to answer myself.
What's some good software to use on my computer for producing music?
Well, senior chucklefuck. I would say that FLStudio is pretty rad. I've put together some dogshit music that nobody could ever like in it, and you can too!
Here's a song I made in it!
Apparently G4TV is looking for a NEW HOST! But they have some requirements. Let's see here...
Well, I guess I'm out. Unless I can wear a fake beard and strap a dildo on over a pair of basketball shorts.
That would rule. I'd call myself CockDick Bob.