Daddy's Home

Date: September 6th, 2021

What the fuck ever happened to predictability!?

Milkman... Paperboy... Those are the real heroes. Fuck the MCU.

Our story opens with DJ putting Michelle in Gay Baby Jail and telling that little bucket of shit not to move, or so help her god she will fucking kill you.

Stephanie is vibing to music and doing ballet while listening to Eazy-E. "Gimme dat, gimme dat. Nut." She's all about it. But then she passes out on the floor and Joey starts mocking her. Mock a fatigued child. Make her suffer. Make her pay for not entertaining us enough.

So the dance recital seems to be the big story here. Stephanie really is gonna give it her all. Fucking egotistical bitch.

Joey's shirt looks like a default Windows 95 wallpaper.

A lady shows up and Uncle Jesse is like "Rihanna!" Hollywood white washing at work again.

Oh wait. It's Adrianna. Fuck. My joke doesn't work.

I'm so sad.

The house is full of sadness tonight, folks.

DJ rocks the Fred Durst look in a fashion show for some reason.

Joey Gladstone is rocking a leather jacket and some scruff, which is probably exactly when he deep dicked Alanis Morrisette.

Isn't that ironic? Don't you think?

IT'S LIKE ROMAN REIGNS ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.

Danny gets all excited because his daughters are calling him daddy because he's a degenerative sex pervert.

They imply a lot of homosexual tension between Joey and Jesse, which I could totally see. Stamos totally looks like the type of dude to suck a pecka.

Stephanie wakes up to Danny aiming a camera at her feet and she says "daddy... why are you making feet movies?"

Danny's response? "Because I love your little feet."

Why are people like this?

That sounds like something I'd make up for a horrible joke but this really aired on the show. I'm in disbelief.

God I love family shows. Reminds me of when I'd play Mario Kart 64 with my mom, beat her in a race and she'd spike the controller into the ground at full force and scream "FUCK IT!!!" while I was like "dude it's just a game."

But hey, having the moral highground over an adult while you're five is cool.

Oh God. The house is full of sadness again.

Which wraps us around to the serious talk at the end of the episode. DJ tells her father that she's sad about having to always put on a happy face while her dad isn't around, and how it makes her feel like slitting her wrists with a screwdriver and bleeding out all over the carpet. She wants her dad to be around more, and her mom is all dead and stuff so she's super sad about it.

Fuckin' pussy. Get over it.