Date: October 31st, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
After going over someone's video analysis of my website, I found myself making a lot of references to Gaming in the Clinton Years. So I figured it's time to finally give my take on that series. It'll be fun. But I'm not just going to watch the videos and respond to them. That's for those Retsasdpajglkj guys to do. I'm going to watch a really well made documentary about GitCY that was created by TJTheEmperor, which you can watch in it's entirety here.
The narrator explains that in June of 2006, a channel called NAVGTR started uploading exerpts from a public access show called Flights of Fantasy and uploading them as "Gaming in the Clinton Years." The narrator continues to explain that George Wood, the show's host, would spend his alleged "reviews" going off on bizarre tangents about his personal life and opinions, as well as making inappropriate jokes.
And, yeah. Saying that Lara Croft should get breast cancer is a silly thing to say. But I'm pretty sure everything I've ever said on this website is infinitely worse. A fact I'm very proud of.
While George Wood's entire fame is now wrapped around the world of gaming, the very first episode of FoF (fauf!?) was purely about comic books. I wish superheroes weren't so synonymous with comic books, because the superhero genre is fucking terrible.
There. I said it. The MCU is for autists and DC is for assholes. Fight me.
He refers to Sonic the Hedgehog as "Sonic Hedgehog." Which makes me wonder if he was involved in that abortion of a movie trailer with Jim Carey we got earlier this year.
Seriously. The only good thing to come out of that movie was this Gangsta's Paradise Sega Genesis remix:
That's good shit. (and yes, I used that in my Millennial Armageddon video.)
The documentary goes into discussing the comic book boom, but I'm more intrigued by the Spider-Man cereal that they're eating. I want it. I want it bad.
Back in the day, the marketplace in 2000 Forest had a couple boxes of Spider-Man 2 promotional cereal for sale. The problem with that? It was 2006. Two years after the movie had come out.
Why didn't I buy it? I'm so stupid. Fuck.
Meh. The rats would have probably chewed through the box anyway.
During the next generation of video game console wars, George Wood predicts that the console that will win the war will be none other than the Virtual Boy. Even at the time that's a retarded prediction.
I do want a modern VR headset though. Someone buy me one. They made a first person Ocarina of Time hack and I really want to play it.
George says that Super Mario 64 is a lot like jumping into the movie Toy Story, which is an interesting comparison because Toy Story and Super Mario 64 were my original loves as a baby raccoon. I do wish that he would have encapsulated more of my childhood, mainly by throwing a pack of Marlboro Reds at my chest and kicking me out of my own house.
We discover that George loves RPGs... except Final Fantasy 7. That one can go fuck itself apparently. It's considered one of the greatest of all time, but not by this judgmental chucklefuck.
Their shitting on FF7 got them a shitload of hate mail... which isn't surprising. Back in that time, people were more than willing to write scathing emails filled with vitrol and anger. These days? If it's not a comment box right at the bottom, they're not gonna have the energy to shit on you. That's probably why all of my emails I get are always so positive. I'm not saying that people don't see my site and barf on sight. Some people have a reflexive revulsion for old-web. I have seen people criticize my site on other sites, sometimes for the aesthetic itself but mostly for the kinds of things I say. The most hate I ever got was for making fun of uncircumcised penises back when this site was on Neocities. But that's one of those lost rants. I don't think I need to bring back my thoughts on cocks. Not right now, anyway. Maybe later.
FoF was so popular during it's 94-96 era that they were syndicated to a shitload of different markets and got to attend video game conventions. They even got their own trading cards with full illustrations! That's nuts. Part of me is a little sad though that we won't get Nintendo 64-era conventions anymore. Nowadays, Nintendo 64's new releases are a punk rock style movement. People using the pre-existing engines to create their own games. I'm extremely grateful for this, but I can't help but feel a fondness for when N64 was purely corporate. Mainly because it was all broadcast on real TV (instead of this fake HDTV horse shit).
This will only appeal to Smarkitude readers, but holy fuck! Flights of Fantasy's final episode used ECW's stock static effect. I popped.
After FoF went off the air in September of 2000, they put out a video making fun of Sega's new Seaman game, which was chock full of references to semen. Which, to those who don't know, is the gooey fluid that spews out of cocks.
After the Festival of Loads that FoF embarked on, George started a show called Who Wants To Be a Contestant?
I'd explain what that's a parody of, but the idea of you not knowing what "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is upsets me. A lot.
One of the questions is "What is the sequel to Parappa the Rapper?" I don't actually know the answer to that, so I'm just going to assume it's Barigga the Wigger.
He also did another version called "Who Wants to See My Derriere", where if you got all the questions right, he would bring you behind a curtain and show you his ass.
But did those fuckers have the courtesy to say "thank you"? No!
As the documentary goes on, we learn that Wood had planned a cruise in which he was going to feature Cloris Leachman, who's apparently a friend of his. (There's videos of them hanging out.) But there's no proof that this thing ever took place. Even weirder, George Wood for a while decided to fake his own death while still making TV appearances for other shows. I don't understand.
Wood made repeated attempts to return to the world after that, including getting used by some dudebro trying to capitalize on his fame. Pretty weak. But really... there's not a lot of answers about this bizarre man. In fact, I have more questions than I have answers walking away from this documentary. Not to say it wasn't good. It's one of the more fascinating things I've seen in a while. It's just confusing. What an odd little man George Wood is.