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Guideposts Junction

Date: November 22nd, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween


If you've got a problem, and you don't know what to do... grab a piece of paper... and write your fucking suicide note, shithead.

This is Guideposts Junction! A straight-to-VHS good natured children's fever dream starring a talking turtle, Bobby the Inquisitive Boy and the demon who voiced Ariel in the Little Mermaid.

The roof is leaking! Fuck! The turtle doesn't really give a fuck. This whole d*rn world is going to h*ck.


So some little asshole sends in a letter crying that his parents are getting divorced. Boo hoo. Big deal. Some people's parents get divorced and they STILL find the courage to wait until THEY have kids to shoot themselves in the face.

They tell a fable about this gay kid who tries to outrun the rain, and when he couldn't do it Bobby the Inquisitive Boy gets fucking psyched that this kid got all wet. Haha. Stupid wet idiot.


This ginger kid kicks ass at tic-tac-toe and he has no give a fuck. The big turtle is like "dude. Chill." and he's like "I will not." He brags like a world champion that he beat a kid at tic-tac-toe. Like it's an accomplishment.

While discussing friendship, Jody mentions that there are some people who just don't want to try to have friends.

A little girl goes "You mean like people who start wars?"


Yeah. Holy fuck.

Oh yeah. And this is a fucking jam: